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The Most Wonderful Boy in Her World
This story was written for the Daxenitri
Celebration. Hold onto your butts, people! The Cameo’s director and Dark
Orchid Productions have decided to move in a new direction. Enjoy! Jim Frayne groaned as his alarm beeped loudly. Needing a few more minutes
in bed, he hit the snooze button. Why’d I set it, anyway? he thought to himself sleepily. After all, this is the first day of Spring Break. Raking a freckled hand through his
thick, russet hair, he lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. However,
instead of the ceiling fan over his bed, he saw a vision of sandy curls and
china blue eyes. In less than an hour he would see his Shamus. The Bob-Whites had planned a
get-together at the clubhouse in honor of his and Brian’s first day home. It
would be great to spend time with Honey, Mart, Di and Dan… Oh, who was he
trying to kid? The only one he really
wanted to see was Trixie. He sighed happily. The mere thought of her name
rung the bells of his heart. “Trixie, ah, Trixie.” He happily murmured her name out loud. He felt warm
and fuzzy as his lips gently caressed the two sweet syllables. He hurriedly showered and dressed, and
then went downstairs. Honey waited for him at the bottom of the staircase,
holding a large picnic basket. “Hey, sleepyhead!” she greeted cheerfully. “I almost left without you.” “I’m here,” Jim said, flashing a grin
at her. “What’s in the basket?” “Lots of stuff. Cook packed a yummy
breakfast to take to the clubhouse. This basket is loaded with doughnuts,
pastries, and fruit, as well as a container of orange juice.” “Sounds good to me,” Jim replied,
unable to wipe the goofy smile off his face. Honey quirked a golden-brown eyebrow
at him as he opened the front door for her. “You’re in a good mood today.” “Am I?” Jim asked innocently. “Well,
it’s just good to be home, I guess. I’ve missed seeing… everyone.” Honey took a deep breath and then
slowly exhaled. Unbeknownst to her brother, she carried a burden much too
heavy for her slim shoulders. It would be a long walk to the gatehouse,
carrying such a load. Silently berating her friends, two in particular, for their lack of consideration, she
carefully pondered her next words. After an audible gulp, she casually
remarked, “A lot has happened since your last visit.” “Really? Has Schoolgirl Shamuses, Inc.
been working on another high-profile case?” Jim teased. Jim’s easy, crooked smile broke Honey’s heart. He had no idea what shock
awaited him. After worrying her lower lip a moment, she shook her head. “No, Jim. It’s about Tr—” “Hey, Jim! Nice to see you,” Dan greeted, as he left the path leading
from the forest preserve to the Wheelers’ lawn. He quickly caught up with Jim
and Honey and continued with them down the trail leading to the clubhouse. Jim studied Dan carefully. Something
seems different about him. Or maybe he just seems nervous. That’s seems a bit
odd, he thought to himself. What
does Dan have to be nervous about? Attempting to shrug off his worries about Dan, Jim answered, “Yeah, we
got in late last night.” “I know,” Dan told him smugly. “Trixie told me.” “Oh.” Jim inhaled sharply, overcome with primal envy. Finally, he rolled
his eyes, exasperated by his own jealousy. Relax, Frayne, he thought. Trixie’s
your special girl, not Dan’s. Honey’s hazel eyes anxiously darted back and forth from Jim to Dan and
then back to Jim. Her stomach churned as she wondered what would happen next. The three friends continued their jaunt to the clubhouse; however, the
lull in conversation was a bit stifling. Honey breathed a sigh of relief as
they arrived at the gatehouse. Eager to get out of the line of fire, she
opened the door and rushed inside. Thankfully, Mart’s cries of hunger broke
the uncomfortable silence. “Finally, reinforcements have arrived,” he muttered. He took the picnic
basket out of Honey’s hands and placed it on top of the table in the main
room of the clubhouse. “I thought I was going to waste away, waiting for you
to bring our breakfast.” “No chance of that,” Brian teased, patting Mart’s firm gut. “When you get
older and your metabolism slows down, you’re gonna be in trouble, little
brother.” Mart snorted. “You’re probably correct, as always, Dr. Belden. However,
until that sad day dawns, I shall enjoy my speedy metabolism every bite of
the way.” Jim grinned, relaxing a bit as he heard the Belden brothers’ good-natured
banter. See? Everything’s fine, he
told himself. There’s no reason to
worry. “Glad to see everything’s normal,” he commented out loud. “Honey had me
worried that something weird had happened while Brian and I were away at
college.” Di nervously giggled. “Nothing unwonted here,” she tittered. Jim arched a brow at the horrid wrinkles in Di’s mustard-colored T-shirt
that was so last season. She must’ve
been in a hurry to get dressed this morning, Jim rationalized. And Mart’s vocabulary must be rubbing off
on her… “The only thing ‘unwanted’ here is you, Di,” Mart muttered, clearly
annoyed at the violet-eyed beauty. “Martin Belden, if you were any more ignorant of the English language,
your picture would be placed on an exhibit on Cro-Magnon man,” Di fumed. “Well, that’s my candied opinion, and I’m stickin’ to it!” Mart argued. With a superior smirk and an exasperated roll of her eyes, Di murmured,
“A 5¢ gumball is of higher value than your opinion.” Jim suppressed a grin. Ah, so
that’s it! Mart and Di are fighting. That’s why Honey’s so upset… Suddenly, the loveliest vision he’d ever beheld captured his full
attention. He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and nervously licked his
lips. “Hey, Trix,” he murmured, casting a fond glance at the sandy blonde. Trixie looked up from the sampler she’d been carefully stitching. “Oh hi,
Jim. I forgot that you were coming in this weekend.” Jim was a bit disappointed, but he shrugged his broad shoulders
good-naturedly. “That’s okay. I know how busy school is this time of year.”
He leaned over to tug on “his” curl, but to his great shock, Trixie swatted
his hand away. He gasped as he gazed into her annoyed blue eyes. “Is
something wrong, Shamus?” “No, it just bugs me when you tug on my curls,” Trixie snapped. “I didn’t
spend thirty minutes on my hair for you to mess it up.” Jim’s chin hit the floor of the clubhouse as he watched her pull a
compact out of the pink, sparkly purse that she’d brought with her. After
opening it, she critically studied her reflection and fluffed her curls. Not
being able to resist a bit of primping while she had out her mirror, she
pulled her favorite lipstick, Kotton Kandy Kisses, out from her coordinating
makeup bag, and carefully applied it to her lips. After practicing her smile
and blowing a kiss or two in the mirror, she placed the lipstick and the
compact back into her purse. After she carefully set her handbag on the floor, Trixie looked up and
saw Dan striking a rather dashing pose by the door. Her hungry eyes took him
in like he was a huge slice of pepperoni pizza. Jim’s emerald green eyes warily followed the path her blue ones traveled.
He nearly snorted as he watched his dark-haired friend assume his best J.C.
Penney pose. Any moment, he expected to be blinded by a photographer’s flash,
since it appeared that Dan was posing for a magazine layout. He leaned over
to comment to Trixie how ridiculous Dan looked, when he saw her face. Hey! That’s the look she gives me! he gasped, clutching his heart. And Dan’s not even looking at her fondly!
What’s up with that? Jim cleared his throat, positive the only logical explanation was that
Trixie had become disoriented. “Did you get a concussion while I was away,
Shamus?” He searched her face, obvious concern casting a shadow upon his own.
He paused for a moment, waiting for her affirmative response, but none came.
She was too busy gawking at Dan. “Trixie?” Jim murmured. “Uhh… are you listening to me?” He bent over and waved a freckled hand in front of her eyes. Receiving no
reaction, he leaned down to carefully examine her pupils to see if they were
dilated. Much to his chagrin, he noticed as trail of drool slowly trickled
down her chin. Surely she’s not drooling over Dan! his mind screamed in a panic. That spittle’s reserved for me! Like when I
slide off of the clubhouse roof, showing off my supple form, or when I call
her Cinderella, or give her rides on my handlebars! She must be confused! Her
sense of direction always has been
a little off… She obviously thinks she’s drooling over my muscular form! Jim’s gaze anxiously shifted from Trixie to Dan. He gasped as Dan gave his special girl one of his very best
devastating grins. The grin was followed by one of his flirty winks,
guaranteed to make the ladies swoon. Swallowing the bile that had risen in his throat, Jim decided two could
play that game, and he cast Trixie his most charming lopsided grin. There! That should do it! Oh
yeah, baby! Look at Uncle Jim. Thatta girl… Trixie giggled as she looked at him. Jim admired
her coy expression, his heart fluttering in time with her sandy eyelashes. Yes, yes, yes! Who’s your Daddy now? “Gross, Jim,” Trixie finally replied, once her giggling had ceased.
“You’ve got something green and leafy, right in between your two front
teeth.” The second her eyes were off him (and
unfortunately back on Dan), Jim raked his fingernail in between his teeth and
pulled out a nasty hunk of basil. Real swift, Frayne. Way to go! You’re a real
lothario, dude. Forgetting to brush your teeth last night AND this morning,
after eating Italian? How could you be so dumb? Well, if your good looks
don’t knock her dead, your bad breath will! After discreetly checking the rest of his teeth for
more spices, Jim looked back at Trixie. Her breathing seemed a bit
accelerated and her eyes appeared glassy. He was mystified, until he saw her
chin quivering slightly and her teeth nip at her lower lip. WAIT! I know that look! That’s what
she looks like when she’s watching a Ewan McGregor movie! He turned his head to the doorway where
Dan stood. Jim’s blue eyes shot daggers and steam rolled out of his ears. His
dark-haired compatriot had removed his black T-shirt (which was already one
size too small, in Jim’s opinion), exposing a rippling set of pectorals that
had been toned by hours of wood-chopping. Dan flexed and posed in different
positions, allowing each muscle to be showcased. Practically hopping up and down in
fury, Jim ripped off his pink T-shirt and began posing for Trixie. Time to whip out the big guns, he
thought, as he noticed her eyes upon him. Check
out the pecs, Trixie baby! “Your fly’s open, Jim,” Trixie mumbled
with disinterest as she stood and sashayed over to Dan, her shapely hips
swaying seductively. Jim clutched his red hair in an effort
to keep his hands from shaking. This
day can’t possibly get any worse! he moaned to himself. After calming
down a bit, he reached down to zip up his jeans. Oh, this is just great. Of course, I’d have to be wearing SpongeBob SquarePants™ boxer shorts. And crap!
SpongeBob’s nose would have to be
strategically placed in my fly… His berating thoughts were replaced by howls of
pain, as, in his haste to zip up his jeans, some rather tender flesh managed
to find its way between the hungry teeth of the zipper. “Something wrong, Jim?” Brian
inquired, his dark brow creased with concern. “I’m fine,” Jim squeaked, hoping
nobody would notice his high-pitched voice as he released “SpongeBob’s nose”
from the steel zipper’s clutches. Brian shrugged, and resumed his
conversation with Mart, Honey and Di. After carefully re-zipping his pants,
Jim glanced back at Trixie and Dan. His eyes bugged out as he watched the
sandy blonde lazily run her hands along Dan’s bare, muscled chest. She leaned
closer to him, and whispered something in his ear. Whatever words she uttered
caused Dan to blush. Dan
can blush? And worse than that, what did my special girl say to make Dan blush? Did she call him wonderful? Jim
thought with a gasp. He shook his head, traumatized by it all. Meanwhile, delighted with the affect she was having upon Sleepyside’s
bad-boy-gone-oh-so-good, Trixie wiggled closer to him and began placing
feathery kisses along his collarbone. Dan leaned his head back and moaned in
pleasure. His knees weakening from the shock,
Jim plopped down in the chair Trixie had vacated. However, instead of his
butt landing on the seat, it ended up on the floor beside the chair. He lay
helplessly on his back, his limbs splayed about. He said a quick prayer, desperately begging
God to have mercy upon him and just kill him instantly. Groaning slightly, he sat upright. He
gingerly stood to his feet, rubbing his tender backside with his freckled
hand. All thoughts of his physical suffering ended abruptly, however, as his
gaze shifted to the doorway. He stifled a shriek by inserting the tip of his
fist into his mouth. He clamped his teeth around his balled-up fingers, as he
watched in absolute revulsion. Trixie had wrapped her arms around Dan’s neck, and her shapely legs were
snaked around his waist. Dan’s left hand rested on her backside, and he
placed the other one around her lower back, to keep her from falling. Their
faces were close together, and Jim shifted a bit to the side to get a clearer
look. What are they doing? It
looks like they’re… But that’s impossible! Why, it took me years to do more
than hold her hand! Surely Dan isn’t kissing her…on the lips, no less!
Why, not even Mart has gotten that far
with Diana! Jim choked back the tears as he
watched Trixie and Dan’s passionate lip lock. Nothing wrong with a little friendly peck on the chee… er, mouth,
he thought, trying to console himself. However, a steady stream of wetness
trickled down his cheeks as he watched, in slow motion, as Dan’s tongue
entered Trixie’s mouth. He hastily shielded his eyes from the
utter horror of the situation, but unfortunately it didn’t help. He grimaced
as he listened to their slurping and slobbering, mingled with intermittent
moans and groans. Sounds
like a make-out scene on a bad soap opera, he thought mournfully. No, it’s worse than a soap opera. It
sounds more like one of those porno films that the guys in the dorm suite
next to us watch. I think I’m gonna be
sick… Jim breathed a sigh of relief as Brian looked up
from his conversation and began gawking at Trixie and Dan. Thank goodness! Responsible Brian won’t
let them keep this up. I got in trouble for casting Trixie an occasional fond
glance. I can’t wait to see what happens to Mangan for ramming his tongue
down her throat… “Wait just a minute!” Brian yelled, hopping up from
his seat and stalking over to the couple. Jim rubbed his hands together
gleefully and waited for the eldest Belden to clean Dan’s clock. Maybe Mart will help, he thought with an evil grin. Maybe they’ll dislocate Danny Boy’s shoulder. No chopping wood for
him for awhile. Let’s see how those bulging biceps fare after a few months of
inactivity… He held his breath in anticipation as Brian
forcefully plucked Dan’s hand from off of his sister’s backside. Oh, this is gonna be good… “Dan, being the responsible big brother that I am,
I must insist that you move your hand,” Brian commanded sternly, still
grasping Dan’s hand. Finally, he repositioned Dan’s palm much lower on
Trixie’s bottom, now allowing him to cup her butt cheeks. “There!” Brian stepped back and
admired his work. “That position is
much safer. I feel better knowing you’ve got a firm grasp on the situation.” Jim’s mouth gaped open as a dumbfounded
expression marred his features. When he could finally speak, he stammered,
“A-aren’t you g-g-going to stop th-them?” Brian cast a quizzical look at his
best friend then shrugged. “Why would I want to do that?” “Whenever I got within two feet of
Trixie, you whipped out the little rule book! I couldn’t even hold her hand
without you threatening my life!” Jim stormed, wildly gesticulating. Finally,
he pointed his index finger in Trixie and Dan’s direction and, attempting to
ignore their ongoing devouring of one another, he continued with his rampage.
“But you’re letting Dan grope her butt and play tonsil hockey with her, right
in the middle of the clubhouse!” Mart crossed his arms in front of his
chest as he defended his older brother’s actions. “It’s a totally different
sen…stan…scan…er, it’s different, Jim,” he finally verbalized. “You, like,
act real good Jim. You’re the most
wonderful boy in the world. “But Dan is real bad. Any dummy could
see that Trixie would be much safer in Dan’s hands than in yours.” Brian scratched his chin thoughtfully,
and then stuck his hand into his pocket. “Mart, you did bring up an important point that we should consider.” Jim breathed a sigh of relief,
thinking that his best friend had returned to his normal, over-protective
self. However, that sigh of relief ended as he saw what Brian now held in his
hand. “I am
the responsible one,” the oldest Belden brother murmured, holding up a couple
of turquoise square-shaped packets, “so I expect Dan to be responsible, as
well. With his colorful past, who knows what venereal disease he might have
contracted? I mean, it’s better to be safe than sorry, and we can’t exactly
ask him his medical history now, since Trixie has his tongue.” He chuckled at
his joke, then tried to find a spot to stuff the little foil packets. However, Trixie’s legs blocked the
pockets of Dan’s jeans, so that spot was ruled out. Not one to give up, Brian
examined them closely, then chose the perfect hiding place: He hastily stuck
his hand in between them, and tossed his offering into the front of Trixie’s
perfectly-ironed pink blouse. “He’ll be sure to find them in there,”
Brian remarked with a wink. Jim ran over and clutched Brian’s
shoulders. He gave them a firm shake. “Brian! What’s wrong with you, man?
You’re encouraging your sister to be sexually active!” “Loosen up, dude!” Brian said through
his laughter. Jim’s face froze in a horrified stupor
as he watched the rest of the Bob-Whites laugh along with him. As if the
sight of two of their members making out was as common as rain falling on a
spring day, Brian, Mart, Honey and Di resumed eating their doughnuts and
chatting about their plans for the day. “Jim, you don’t want your face to
freeze like that!” Honey warned with a giggle. “C’mon over here. I’m sure
Trixie and Dan would like a little privacy.” The redhead staggered to the table
where his friends sat. Too stunned to even speak, he took deep breaths in and
out, trying to regulate his breathing as he computed the happenings of the
day. “Eat up, Jim,” Di garbled, bits of a
chocolate éclair escaping her mouth. She took the tail of her shirt and wiped
excess filling off her lips. “Yeah, Jim,” Mart urged. “We don’t
want to waste all this good food.” He offered half a jelly doughnut to his
red-haired friend. “Half a doughnut was my limit today. I’m stuffed.” As if on autopilot, Jim accepted the
pastry, and took a bite. The cake part tasted like sawdust, and the raspberry
filling reminded him of bug guts. His stomach rolled; from the doughnut or
seeing Dan with Trixie, he knew not. “What’re we going to do today?” Honey
asked. “I need to give Bud a bath sometime. Those little cocker spaniels can
get awfully dirty. I asked Miss Trask to do it, but she told me to do it
myself! That little hoochie sucks!” Brian shrugged. “I don’t know what
we’re doing. I do need to take the
old jalopy to Tom. The engine’s making a clackety-clack sound, and I have no
idea how to fix her.” “You’re so dumb when it comes to
cars!” Honey snorted. “Yeah, almost as dumb as Mart is when
it comes to the fine art of oration,” hooted Di, as she scratched her itchy
scalp, and then wiped the grease from her hair onto her stained blue jeans. Jim dutifully chewed his jelly
doughnut, which was lying heavy in his stomach. With great difficulty, he
swallowed the bite, but he choked as he noticed what was going on across the
room. Trixie’s feet were on the floor, and
Dan’s hand was no longer on her backside, so that was good. However, Dan’s
dark head was tipped over while he nuzzled Trixie’s neck and his hand was
skillfully undoing the top button of her blouse. His nausea unable to be abated, Jim
hunched over, and hurled the contents of his stomach all over the clubhouse
floor. The heaving did little to appease his queasiness. Cries of disgust were uttered from
around the room. Finally, even Dan looked up from his ministrations and
gasped. After quickly fastening her shirt, Trixie turned around, unaware that
the buttons were not aligned properly (and that she had dropped her
prophylactics on the floor). Totally revolted by what she saw (and smelled),
she buried her face in Dan’s shoulder. “This stench is making me sick,
Danny,” she replied tearfully. “Let’s get some fresh air.” Putting his muscles to good use, Dan
easily swept Trixie up in his arms and carried her outside. Jim watched out
of the corner of his eye as the rest of the Bob-Whites filed past him,
holding their noses and averting their eyes from the mess at his feet. Once his dry heaves had ceased, Jim
collapsed into a nearby chair. He closed his eyes and leaned back, totally
exhausted from vomiting. He replayed the morning’s events over and over again
in his mind, trying to make sense of the mysterious circumstances. “What a day,” he muttered under his
breath. “I feel like a character in a children’s fiction series that’s being
misrepresented by some uninformed writer who’s continuing the series without
even reading all the books.” He wearily stood, tottered over to the
window, and looked outside. His heart ached as he watched Trixie and Dan. Out
of the shambles of the destroyed day, a desperate plan emerged. Setting his
jaw in determination, he balled up his fingers into a fist and strode
outside. Ignoring the calls from his friends, he
mustered all his remaining strength and climbed up to the top of the
clubhouse. Once he had reached his goal, he stood atop the roof, placed his
freckled hands on his hips, and assumed a menacing stance. Crying out a
greeting, he drew all eyes to his lofty position. “What’re you doing up there, Jim?”
Trixie shrieked. “You’ll fall and break your neck! You should know better
than to impulsively get into dangerous situations! You’re so irresponsible!” “If he does fall, who’s going to call
the doctor?” Brian asked, a worried expression on his face. “For the life of
me, I can’t remember what we’re supposed to do in an emergency situation.” “Oh man, this is making me lose my
appetite,” Mart replied, looking a bit green around the gills. “I don’t think
I’m going to be able to eat at Wimpy’s.” “If Jim ends up in traction, will I
still be able to go to the library?” Di questioned, wiping her runny nose
with the back of her hand. “I was curious about deoxyribonucleic acid and
wanted to study the Nobel Prize winning double helix structure proposed by
Maurice Wilkins, James Watson, and F.H.C. Crick.” “All of those big words are making my
head hurt,” Mart whined, covering his ears. “Waa-waa!” Honey bellowed rudely,
rolling her narrow blue eyes. “Find someone who cares.” After a brief pause,
she called to her brother, “Go ahead and jump, Jim! I dare you! No, no! I double dog dare you!” “In an effort to win back the
affections of the girl I love, I will slide down from this roof, using only
the gutter for assistance, to the ground several feet below,” Jim declared
gallantly from his lofty height. “Stand back, and prepare to admire my supple
form.” He ignored Trixie’s snort, and
thankfully didn’t hear her mutter to Dan, “If he gives me another orchid, so
help me I’m calling Spider and getting a restraining order. And my wrist’s
still green from that ‘silver’ bracelet…” Casting one final fond glance in
Trixie’s direction, he attempted to swing himself to the ground, just like he
had that fall afternoon a couple of years ago. However, unlike that fall
afternoon a couple of years ago, somehow he missed grasping hold of the
gutter and, after he plunged off the edge of the roof, his front half
flip-flopped over, and he landed in an undignified heap on the ground below,
his SpongeBob boxers peeking out of the waist of his jeans. The fall knocked the wind from him.
Though he was happy to be alive, Jim hesitated to open his eyes. Strangely
enough, he didn’t hear any sort of reaction from his friends. Maybe I’m dead, he wondered. WHACK! Startled by the sensation of being pummeled with a
soft object, Jim’s eyes flew open. He warily studied his surroundings. He
appeared to be lying face down; however, the surface upon which he lay was
carpet rather than grass. Several crunched Pepsi® cans were strewn around
him, along with a half-eaten bag of pork rinds, an empty box of Little
Debbie® snack cakes, and the discarded crust of a BLT. Upon further investigation, Jim saw
various schoolbooks for subjects like Anatomy 105, Psychology 101, and
Biology 108. Several notebooks flopped open, exposing hastily scribbled notes
written on their pages. Hundreds of
pens and pencils littered the floor around him. In fact, one of them was
digging in his stomach. With a grimace, he rose slightly and pulled a
mechanical pencil out from under himself. Worst of all, a pair of clean gym
socks lay close to his face. After taking a deep breath, Jim grimaced and
muttered, “Make that a dirty pair
of gym socks…” WHACK! Jim carefully rolled to his back, and then stared up, up, up into Brian’s
concerned face. “I’m alive!” he murmured gleefully. “Where am I?” Brian snorted and held out his hand for Jim to grasp. After pulling his
roommate to his feet, he said, “Where you always
are during the week when we’re at college. In our dorm suite.” Jim looked around and joyfully studied his welcome, yet messy,
environment. “How’d I get on the floor?” “I think you were having some kind of nightmare,” Brian shrugged. “You
were making awful noises. I tried to wake you, but I couldn’t. Finally, you
fell out of bed. I was worried you had a concussion or something when you
wouldn’t wake up.” “So we didn’t go to Sleepyside for Spring Break yet?” Jim asked
hopefully. Brian lowered his brows in confusion. “Of course not. We’re leaving after
our last class today. We should get there late tonight.” Jim ran over to the mirror in the small dorm’s bathroom. “My eyes are
green!” he shrieked in delight. Brian chuckled. “What color did you think they were? Blue?” Jim ran back to the main room and placed his hands on Brian’s shoulders.
“Can you fix the jalopy?” he inquired seriously. “What’s wrong with it?” Brian demanded. “I just fixed her last week!” “Yes!” Jim whooped, leaping around in delight. “Are you feeling all right, Jim?” “I’m great,” Jim answered. “But if
I was to be suddenly knocked unconscious, would you move me?” “You never move an unconscious
victim, Jim,” Brian lectured sternly. “As a former boy scout, you should know
that.” “But would Di know that?” Brian chuckled. “I doubt it. But no doubt she’d dazzle the paramedics
when they arrived to take the victim to the hospital.” “What color would she be wearing?” Jim inquired in a desperate tone. “I don’t know. Probably some girly purpley color.” “And will Mart be hungry tomorrow?” Brian placed his hand on Jim’s forehead. “What kind of a question is
that? Mart’s always hungry. Do you
need me to take you to the emergency room?” “Does Mart still make everyone sick with his endless mooning over Di?”
Jim queried, ignoring Brian’s concern. Brian rolled his eyes in exasperation. “He sure does. I had to take a
swig of Maalox® after talking to him last night on the phone. He went on and
on about how Di wore her hair to school that day. Like I care.” “Will Bud be there waiting for us?” “Who’s Bud? Should I know him?” Brian scratched his chin, totally
confused. “No, you shouldn’t,” Jim answered with a happy grin. “He was gone before
you got home from camp.” Brian sighed in exasperation, and then began gathering clean clothes so
he could take his shower. “I definitely think you need a break, Jimbo. You’re
cracking up.” “Wait!” Jim pleaded. When Brian turned around, Jim nervously continued.
“Just one more question, Bri. When we go home, will Trixie and Dan be… be…” “Be what?” Brian prompted. “Be happy to see you?” Jim shook his head. “Be wearing banana suits?” Again, Jim shook his redhead. “Be baking cookies?” “Will they be… making out?” Jim quietly finished. “Will they be kissing,
and will Dan unbutton her shirt, and will you give them condoms?” “WHAT?!” Brian screamed, clutching his dark hair in his
hands. “What’re you talking about?
Why are you giving my baby sister prophylactics?” “I didn’t give her the condoms;
you did, but when Dan unbuttoned
her shirt, they fell out.” Instead of whacking Jim with his pillow, this time Brian hurled it at
him. “You unbuttoned her shirt?” he asked, through tightly-clenched teeth. Jim wearily rested his face in his hands. After taking a few deep
breaths, he clarified, “Dan was the
one who unbuttoned her shirt. Not me. And I was ralphing to do anything about
it.” A perfect portrait of shock was painted on Brian’s face. “What in the world
are you talking about?” “I dreamed Trixie wanted to be with Dan instead of me. They were kissing
and fondling and doing a bunch of other junk that I can’t even talk about.
Then I had a honkin’ hunk of basil in my teeth, SpongeBob’s nose got caught
in my zipper, and I fell off the clubhouse roof…” In spite of the pained expression on Jim’s face, Brian doubled over in
laughter. He chuckled until tears rolled down his cheeks. Once he could
speak, he placed a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder. “I’m sorry for laughing, Jim, but the thought of Trixie with Dan…” Brian
wiped another tear from the corner of his eye. “That’s the last thing you have to worry about, my
friend. I talked to my little sister just last night, and she gave a twenty
minute speech on why she thought you were still the most wonderful boy in the
world.” Jim breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s reassuring.” “By the way, Jim,” Brian added with a wicked grin, “if you do unbutton my sister’s shirt, you
won’t have a place to put those condoms.” “I didn’t unbutton her shirt—” “No, but you dreamed about it,” Brian interrupted. Jim rolled his emerald green eyes. “And you’ve never dreamed about
Honey?” Brian opened his mouth to reply, but then wisely clamped it shut. “My
first class starts in forty-five minutes. I’d better get in the shower.” Jim grinned in satisfaction, his emerald eyes twinkling. However, the
feeling of well-being ceased as another thought came to his mind. He ripped
off his green T-shirt and began critically studying the well-developed
muscles of his chest. “I wonder if I need to start chopping wood,” he muttered as he appraised
his pecs. As Brian turned to go into the bathroom, Jim grabbed his arm. “Just one
more question, Bri. Am I still supple?” Brian picked up his pillow from the floor where he had tossed it at Jim
earlier. After whacking Jim with it again, he muttered, “Don’t press your
luck, Frayne. Wonderful, I can stomach. But supple…?” he shuddered in
revulsion, and then continued, “Don’t
even go there…” Once Brian entered the bathroom and closed the door behind him, Jim
crashed on his bed. A horrid fear lurked in the secret recesses of his mind.
Never knowing what “evil plot twist” life would bring next, his stomach
churned as he contemplated a universe without Trixie. A universe where Dan was with Trixie. A universe where…
He shuddered as he forced the thought back into the deepest, darkest corner
of his conscience. Not knowing what else to do, he jumped up from his bed and ran over to
the phone. He frantically pushed number three on his speed dial. “Hello... Is this Sleepyside Florist? Yes, I need to order an orchid…” He sighed loudly as the florist asked if it was him. “Yes,
this is Jim Frayne,” he affirmed. He groaned as the girl on the phone
quoted the address by heart. “Yes,
it needs to go to Trixie Belden on Glen Road… and you’d better get there
fast, if you know want to keep my business.”
As you probably already guessed, this is my idea of an
April Fool’s Day joke! I mean, hey, how can somebody named April NOT play an
April Fool’s Day joke? *wink* Thank you to Kathy and Kaye for doing a speedy, yet
thorough, editing job on this one. Believe me; they deserve some kind of
bonus for editing this one. This was written while I was on pain medicine,
and made some interesting mistakes. Have you ever heard of pork rinks? Me
either! And I’d like to wish a great big happy birthday day to my
son, Sam! Happy birthday, little man! These characters are the sole property of Random House, who
refuses to share nicely and let me use them for profit. So as the Cowardly
Lion would say, “The noive!” I intended for this story to be more serious than it turned
out, but I had a bit of difficulty. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out
how Trixie and Dan would interact with one another, which creates a problem
with their relationship. J As I continued, the story got spoofier and
goofier, so I finally shrugged my shoulders and followed the muses. For the record, I adore Dan Mangan. I think he’s perfectly
perfect; however, I can’t write him with Trixie worth beans. But have no
fear, Dan fans. Sleepyside’s favorite bad boy turned good will find happiness
in my future universe (not that he isn’t already having fun in my present
universe J ). Cro-Magnon man is
the term referred to the remains of a prehistoric, Caucasoid-type of man found
in the Cro-Magnon cave in Southwest France. And for the record, my beloved
Mart does not resemble this species in any way, shape, or form. J There are gumballs that you can purchase for five cents,
although with inflation, maybe the price has risen to ten cents… Kotton Kandy Kisses is not an actual shade of lipstick;
however, for a slight fee, as well as a share of the royalties, Revlon,
Maybelline, or Cover Girl may use that name, after obtaining my written
permission. E-mail me for
details. J J.C. Penney is the name of a large department store, found
in malls across the U.S. Go there. They have nice clothes, and sometimes they
even have good sales. I didn’t get their permission to use their name, but
it’s not like I was bashing their store or anything. Hey, I told you to go
there! I do it all the time. And the “J.C. Penney pose” is a joke between my DH and me.
He likes to make fun of those guys who are TOO coordinated and stand around
looking at their watch or in some other totally ridiculous-looking stance. Cinderella is a popular fairy tale character and Jim calls
Trixie that in “The Mysterious Code”. The handlebar reference is of course
from “The Mystery of the Castaway Children”. And the sliding off the
clubhouse roof reference is from “The Mystery Off Glen Road”, as if you
didn’t know that already. And unfortunately, the Uncle Jim remark sadly was made by
one of the KK’s. *shudder* That remark is responsible for more Dan fans than
anything else in the entire series, and it should haunt Jim. Ewan McGregor is a famous actor who I use constantly in my
present and future stories. I love running gags, if you couldn’t tell. SpongeBob SquarePants is a popular cartoon character on
Nickelodeon. He lives in a pineapple under the sea. Absorbent and yellow and
porous is he… And rest assured, SpongeBob’s nose was in no wise injured
during filming… *VEG* And yes, they do make SpongeBob boxer shorts… And no, my DH
does NOT have a pair of them. Brian’s little rule book is a reference to the list of
rules he gives Jim and Trixie while they are handcuffed together in my “All I Want For Christmas”
story.
If you haven’t read it, go take a peek. It’s a fun one! The Cameo does not think that Dan has a VD. That was just a
good reason for Brian give them the uh… gift. That is definitely NOT an evil
plot twist or foreshadowing or anything like that. It was just The Cameo’s
usual utter nonsense. However, considering his checkered past, it could’ve
been a possibility. Throughout this story several references were made to
various KK mistakes… Jim’s “blue” eyes, Honey’s “blue” eyes, Brian’s sudden
inability to fix vehicles, and the reappearance of Bud… Several other things
were figments of this author’s imagination, such as Mart’s loss of appetite,
Di’s lack of hygiene, Trixie’s sudden obsession with sewing, Brian’s
ignorance regarding first aid, Honey’s rudeness… Maurice Wilkins, James Watson, and F.H.C. Crick did indeed
win the Nobel Prize in 1962 for their DNA model, and that’s no joke. And of course, Trixie’s silver ID bracelet didn’t REALLY
turn her wrist green. It was sterling silver, of course. Nothing but the best
for Jim’s special girl. J Pepsi® is a soft drink company that makes several different
kinds of pop, my favorite being Diet Pepsi. It is used here without
permission, but since I have purchased probably thousands of dollars worth of
Pepsi products, they should cut me a bit of slack. Same with Little Debbie.
If we ever bought stock, it would be in McKee foods. At our house it is a
national disaster if Sam doesn’t have circles (AKA- Fudge Rounds) and Damon
doesn’t have Apple Flips. I prefer Swiss Rolls, but it’s been eons since I’ve
had a “real” one that has all the calories… *sigh* And this concludes the author’s notes for this story. Have
a lovely day, and please pick up all trash and place in the receptacle
nearest the exit. Thank you for visiting The Cameo.
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