Author’s notes:

This story takes place in my Portraits of the Past Universe during Red Trailer Mystery and precedes my traditional Here and Now and Glimpses into the Future universes. Love’s Journey parallels my What Might Have Been alternate universe, where Madeleine dies of an overdose, and this story answers the question why she survived in the traditional universes. This is the first story in my Journey Trilogy.

Matthew Wheeler sighed wearily as he folded up the letter he and his wife had received from their daughter. He rested his forehead in the palm of one hand, massaging his crinkled temples with his fingertips.

Madeleine emerged from their hotel suite’s dressing room. She held the ends of a thick gold chain behind her head, making sure the emerald slide stayed centered on the hollow of her neck. “Could you help me with this, dear?” As she sat down on the sofa beside her husband, she immediately noticed his distressed expression.

“Matthew, what’s wrong?”

“Just this letter from Honey,” he murmured. With gentle hands, he fastened his wife’s necklace. Before smoothing her light-brown tresses over the collar of the silk blouse she was wearing, he placed a soft kiss on the nape of her neck.

“What’s wrong with Honey?” Madeleine’s large hazel eyes widened with fear at the possibility of anything happening to her daughter. “She’s all right, isn’t she?”

Matthew placed a comforting arm around his wife’s slim shoulders and kissed her cheek. “Honey’s fine,” he assured her. “I was just surprised by a question she asked.”

Without further explanation, he handed Honey’s letter to Madeleine. She accepted the missive at bit hesitantly, apprehensive about what could so upset her steadfast spouse.

He watched her open the letter, intently studying her expression as her eyes pored over the contents. As he expected, her eyes narrowed when she read one part in particular, and then widened as she neared the end.

When she was finished reading, Madeleine refolded it, her trembling hands barely able to complete the task. Knowing her husband was expecting a response, she took a deep breath and then whispered, “Oh my.”

Matthew nodded, silently mulling which words would be appropriate. After what seemed like an eternity, he said the only thing that came to mind. “What do you think?”

“What do I think?” she repeated. She began wringing her hands, her eyes darting all around the extravagantly decorated room. “Matthew, I’m not sure what I should think. That’s a lot of information to digest.”

He exhaled loudly. “I know it sounds absurd and that this is sudden, but I want to adopt him, Maddie.”

“You can’t be serious,” Madeleine gasped, her brow wrinkling in disbelief.

“If Jim’s parents are who I think they are, I have no choice; I must help Jim.”

“Oh, Matthew.” By her tone, it was obvious Madeleine didn’t agree.

“I can’t believe they’re dead.” Matthew’s broad shoulders sagged as that piece of information swirled around in his already spinning mind. “They were so vibrant, so alive. It seems like only yesterday I was at their wedding.”

“I know,” Madeleine murmured, a frown marring her delicate brow.

“We were so close, sweetheart,” he went on. “I just can’t turn his son away when he desperately needs my help.”

Madeleine placed a slender hand on her husband’s arm. “This isn’t a decision we should rush into, love.”

“You don’t like the idea?”

She allowed the question to hang in the room for several moments. After taking a deep breath, she finally answered, “I didn’t say that. But you have to admit that it’s a lot to consider, especially with the history.”

Matthew nodded again, this time in affirmation. “So you agree that it appears that Jim is Win’s son.”

“Yes.” Madeleine swallowed again, this time to keep the bile that was rapidly rising up in her throat at bay. She tightly clenched her shaking hands, strangely comforted by the fact that her long, manicured fingernails were digging painfully into her palms.

Matthew was positive his wife had already noticed the clues, but for some reason, he felt it necessary to point them out aloud. “Jim has to be Win’s son. The boy’s last name is Frayne, and that isn’t a common surname.”

“Didn’t you get some sort of birth announcement from Win shortly after we were married?” Madeleine questioned.

“Yes,” he affirmed. “Jim would be the right age. And from Honey’s description, he certainly reminds me of Win, what with the woodsman knowledge and all.”

Madeleine inhaled sharply, her mouth pursed in suppressed anger as another thought occurred to her. “And don’t forget Jim’s mother, Matthew,” she contributed. She shot her husband a pointed look. “Honey told us her name was Katie.”

“Yes, that fits,” Matthew replied, choosing to ignore his wife’s malicious tone. “Jim’s exactly how I’d expect Win’s son to be.”

Madeleine narrowed her expressive eyes in speculation. “If Win is Jim’s father, that is.”

“It sounds like he is,” Matthew said, unaware of what his wife was insinuating. “I don’t think it’s a coincidence that his last name is Frayne and his mother’s name is Katie.”

“Oh, I have no doubt that Jim was raised by Win, and that his mother is Katie,” she responded flatly. “My only question is if Win’s truly Jim’s biological father.”

Matthew’s head whipped around, pinning his wife’s stormy hazel eyes with a fiery green glare. His sandy brows met in a deep groove above the bridge of his nose as he glared at her. “Exactly what are you saying?” he demanded.

Madeleine held his gaze. Though most people would find her husband’s demeanor intimidating, she did not. They’d been through far too much for her to back down now. These were questions that she had to ask, and she wouldn’t be satisfied until she was given the answers. Even if she didn’t like them.

She shrugged her shoulders, her chin lifted proudly as she met his challenge. “Honey says in her letter that Jim looks exactly like you. You have to admit, Matthew, considering your history with Katie, it’s a very interesting theory.”

“What history with Katie?” Matthew stormed, jumping to his feet so he could pace the floor as he did when he was very agitated. “How could you even think such a thing?”

“What do you expect me to think? According to our daughter, Katie’s son is the spitting image of you.”

“That’s only because I have red hair and green eyes like Jim’s father… Jim’s real father!” Matthew barked. “Honey also thinks Regan looks exactly like me, and I certainly didn’t beget him!”

Madeleine smiled sardonically, her hazel eyes sparking with indignation. Her voice remained even as she continued questioning him. “If you aren’t Jim’s father, then why are you so angry, Matthew?”

“Because my wife thinks I impregnated my best friend’s girlfriend!” he spat, waving his hands around to express his frustration. “I thought we were past all these ridiculous insecurities, Maddie! How could you make such horrible accusations?”

Madeleine remained calm. She refused to allow her tumultuous thoughts to make her appear less than composed. She knew her calm demeanor infuriated her temperamental husband. “It’s simple; because you were in love with Katie.”

“But that doesn’t mean I fathered her child!” he insisted.

“After all the lies, forgive me if I don’t believe your claims of innocence,” Madeleine retorted coldly.

Matthew spun around to face her, his hands clutching his red hair. “We’ve been through this time and time again, Maddie! Yes, I was in love with Katie, but nothing ever came of it. Win married Katie, and I—”

“Settled for me,” Madeleine interrupted. No longer able to keep the mask of indifference in place, her voice wavered slightly. Angry with herself for showing any sort of outward emotion, she turned her head away slightly so her husband wouldn’t notice the tears misting in her eyes.

However, she was too late; although he didn’t see the tears, he felt her inner turmoil.

Even after years of marriage, Madeleine Hart Wheeler remained a mystery to him. While Matthew exploded in a fiery rage during one of his temperamental fits, she would grow cold and indifferent, protected in her frozen castle of solitude.

Fire and ice. Each equally destructive in the right circumstances.

Only recently had Matthew and Madeleine learned how well they suited one another. Like opposing forces, they attracted one another until they were both balanced. She cooled his red-hot temper, and he thawed her icy heart.

He was prepared for the cold; arctic blasts were a frequent occurance in the Wheeler household. However, it was his wife’s emotional display that disturbed him, as well as encouraged him. He was relieved that she was sharing her true feelings, but he hated to see her suffer. Especially when he knew he was the cause of her suffering.

Matthew settled back down on the sofa and gripped each of his wife’s shoulders. “I did not settle for you,” he asserted, his voice husky with emotion. He inhaled sharply as Madeleine slowly turned to face him. Her large hazel eyes were wide and tear-filled, and her complexion was deathly pale. Her chin quivered as she allowed him to finally see a glimpse of the real Madeleine.

She wasn’t just hurt or angry; she was haunted.

When Madeleine didn’t respond, Matthew shook her gently. “The ghosts of the past can’t hurt us, sweetheart. We’re too strong, our love is too strong. You’ve got to let this go.”

Weary from burying her feelings, Madeleine finally broke down. “I-I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, love,” he cooed.

“A long time ago, I-I-I wished she would die,” Madeleine cried. “I didn’t m-m-mean it, though. I just wanted you to l-love me.”

“I do love you. We’ve talked about this several times in the past year, sweetheart. No, I wasn’t in love with you when we married. I was devastated when Katie married Win. I married you on the rebound. But when I almost lost you…”

Matthew frantically clutched his wife to his chest, placing her cheek upon his heart. He stroked her hair, as he, for the millionth time, silently berated himself about the past. “I love you more than anything.”

“I love you too,” she murmured. “So very, very much.”

“If only I could take it all back. I’d make it up to you.”

After several minutes, Madeleine eased away from her husband’s sheltering embrace. She cupped her hands around his cheeks and drew his face down to hers.

“It worked out for the best, my love,” she whispered, tears streaming down her high cheekbones. “All our mistakes, all our misgivings, all our misfortunes, they’ve brought us to this point, Matthew. If I hadn’t overdosed that night, I never would’ve admitted to you all the hurt I’d been harboring, and we never would’ve reconciled.”

“I’m just glad I went in your room to talk to you when I did that evening. If I had waited any longer, the doctors may not have been able to save you.” Matthew tenderly kissed her forehead, dismissing what might have been from his mind. “I love you with all my heart, Maddie. I’ll spend the rest of my life regretting my foolishness.”

“And I’ll regret mine,” she countered, her voice thick with remorse. She leaned forward slightly, resting her forehead against his. “I’m so sorry for doubting you, darling. I suppose I still feel a lot of bitterness towards Katie. When Honey said Jim looked like you I went crazy with jealousy.”

“I understand.” He buried his hands in the back of Madeleine’s honey-colored hair drawing her face close to his. With great tenderness, his lips met hers.

Once the kiss ended, Matthew tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I suppose we’ll have to tell Honey that we can’t adopt Jim.”

“I didn’t say that.” Madeleine’s voice was so quiet that he could barely hear her.

With the tips of his long fingers, he gently tilted her face upward. “Maddie, you can’t seriously be considering this?” he asked in disbelief.

She giggled, and her tinkling laugh never failed to amuse her husband in spite of the seriousness of the topic. “Dear, I thought I was going to talk you out of this idea, not the other way around,” she teased.

“That was before I knew how much even the mention of Katie’s name would bother you.” Matthew gripped his wife’s hand and kissed it. “I’d never forgive myself if this caused further problems in our marriage, sweetheart. Nothing is worth turmoil in our home, especially when we’ve just fallen into love with one another all over again.”

“I’d be lying if I said I’d never think of Katie when I looked at Jim,” she admitted. “But I might actually find it therapeutic to adopt him.”

“Darling, there’s no ‘might’ about it,” Matthew honestly observed. “If we adopt Jim, there’s no going back. He’ll be a part of our lives forever.”

Madeleine nodded slowly. “I know that. But I’m mature enough to know that it’s not Jim’s fault that you were in love with his mother. If I could do a good deed for Katie by helping her son, I feel like I could put that unhappy time behind me. The boy can’t go back to his stepfather. I cringe thinking what that man would do to him.”

Matthew’s forehead furrowed at the mention of Jim’s abuse. “You know, Maddie, we wouldn’t be adopting a baby. We’d be taking in a young man whose personality has already been developed.”

“And you’re fearful what sort of personality Win and Katie’s child could have?” Madeleine inquired, an amused smile curving her lips upward.

“No, actually I’m worried about what sort of psychological damage Jim may have as a result of his traumatic childhood,” he answered candidly. “Not only has the boy had to deal with both his parents’ death in a short period of time, he’s been the victim of physical and emotional abuse. Frankly, I don’t know if we are equipped to deal with that sort of baggage.”

She paused to run a hand through her silken honey-colored tresses, a gesture she often did when she was thinking. “Matthew, you’ve never been one to balk at a challenge. Surely Jim’s background isn’t what’s spurring this sudden change of heart. Don’t you understand? I’m ready to adopt him!”

“There’s also Honey to consider,” he added. “She’s only now beginning to open up to us. What if having a stranger around the house makes it more difficult for us to bond as a family?”

“You weren’t concerned it would bother her a few minutes ago,” Madeleine commented airily.

“I hadn’t thought it all the way through,” he answered. “I’m afraid Honey would eventually grow resentful of Jim.”

Madeleine shook her head in disagreement. “I don’t think she would, love. I have a feeling this is just what we need to grow closer. Jim will somehow help us be a real family.”

“What if Honey learns about my former feelings for Jim’s mother?”

Madeleine bit her lip, the wound still fresh enough to sting. “Maybe it would be for the best if she found out. After all, it’s partly the reason that I was so distant with her. It may help her understand why I failed miserably as a mother during her early years.”

“You didn’t fail,” Matthew assured her with a squeeze of her hand.

“Yes, I did,” she said with a rueful smile. “I’ll never fix my relationship with Honey unless I admit how horrible I was and turn things around. My feeling of inadequacy with you isn’t an excuse for my indifference to Honey. It’s time I become a mother to her, a real mother.”

Matthew scratched his chin thoughtfully. “Honey’s thirteen. An instant big brother will be a hard adjustment.”

“It’ll be good for her,” Madeleine insisted. “She’s been an only child far too long. Although Margaret and I fought constantly, I always enjoyed having an older sister. With all our marital troubles, it wouldn’t have been wise to bring another child into the world years ago, but I always hated for Honey to be alone. An older brother will be exactly what she needs.”

When Matthew remained silent, Madeleine rubbed his knee with her free hand. “Just think, darling, Honey will have an older brother to keep all the prospective suitors away.”

In spite of the severity of the subject, Matthew had to smile. “You’ve got a point there.”

“Shall I send a letter saying we agree?” Madeleine held her breath as she watched her husband’s expression. However, just when she was beginning to feel comfortable, Matthew’s mood changed, as it was often prone to do.

“No,” he announced, his jaw set stubbornly. “It’s too risky. I won’t endanger my family’s happiness. I’ve only begun to get you back; I refuse to lose you now.”

Madeleine’s heart sank as she studied his face. She knew that look well; it was the one he wore when he had set his mind on something. Changing it would be like altering words engraved on a marble stone.

“I suppose I should write and tell Honey,” she murmured, her fingers curled into fists of disappointment.

“Tell her it was my decision,” he offered gently. “I know you’re trying to restore your relationship with her. I’d hate for her to get mad at you because of me.”

Madeleine shook her head, her eyes minus their usual sparkle. “No. She’s already indifferent where I’m concerned. She’ll be expecting me to be against the idea. There’s no reason for her to distance herself from you as well. If that happens, we could lose her completely.”

Matthew stood, and then bent down to kiss his wife on the forehead. “Do what you think is best. I have a meeting in half an hour and need to leave. See you for lunch in the hotel’s dining room?”

“That would be lovely, dear,” Madeleine agreed, smiling up at him. “I’ll see you at noon.”

As he turned to leave, Matthew turned around to face his wife. “You know, I moved us to Sleepyside to restore our family. I never imagined Win’s would show up, needing our help.” Face downcast, he opened the door to the hallway outside and left.

Once alone, Madeleine settled down at the writing desk by the window, carrying Honey’s letter with her. In her delicate penmanship, she wrote her daughter a note.

With a trembling hand, she sealed the envelope and quickly penned down the correct address on the front. However, she couldn’t dismiss the thought that rejecting Jim was the wrong idea.

This isn’t right, she thought to herself. I can’t help but feel sorry for the boy. He’s lost his parents, and the only person left to care for him treated him cruelly. And for some reason, I feel a kinship to him. He’s young, and I’m a grown woman; he’s poor, but I’m wealthy; he’s an orphan, yet both of my parents are alive. However, both of us were trapped in a relationship where we felt unloved, and that’s possibly the worst feeling of all. I was able to turn things around, and Jim deserves that same opportunity.

She laid the letter she’d written on the edge of the desk so she could give it to the desk clerk to mail. Instinctively, she picked up Honey’s letter and reread it. After she was finished, she held it close to her heart, wishing it was Honey herself.

I need to change Matthew’s mind. Turning Jim away would be horribly wrong. His destiny is in Sleepyside. I don’t think it was a coincidence that we just happened to move to Manor House the same time Jim came looking for his uncle. It’s fate.

She would do as her husband requested and mail the letter, but, in the meantime, she would do everything she could to change Matthew’s mind. It wouldn’t be an easy task, but it was a challenge she was more than willing to accept.

We’ve come a long way, love, she thought as she pictured her handsome husband. Nobody thought we’d make it, but we did. Sometimes love’s journey isn’t easy, but the trials one faces along the way are always worth it. And if I have anything to do with it, Jim will be taking that journey with us.

After all, that is the way it is meant to be…

Credits:

I decided to write a Father’s Day story featuring Jim and Matt, which explores the beginnings of their relationship. However, once I started writing, Madeleine spoke to me in her modulated voice. “Tell my story first,” she whispered. “Tell them why I was such a shrew in your alternate universe.” She was so tactful that I had to agree.

As stated in my author’s notes at the beginning, this story parallels my What Might Have Been universe where Madeleine dies of an overdose.

Thank you ever so much to my faithful editors, Steph H, KathyW, and Kaye. I’m always amazed how each of you find different ways to improve my stories. I’m greatly indebted to each of you.

Kathy mentioned the “Fire and Ice” combination during her edits, and I loved it so much that I had to include it in the story. She understood exactly what I was trying to convey about Matthew and Madeleine’s relationship. She gave wonderful suggestions in that particular section, and I would be remiss if I didn’t give her the credit. Thank you, Kathy! {{{HUGS}}}

Honey’s letter was not showed to us in the book, so I had to use my imagination.

I hint in several stories that Matthew had been in love with Katie, and here we see that Madeleine was obviously aware of that. Because of her feelings of insecurity, she turned to alcohol and built a wall around her emotions. In the What Might Have Been universe, she died from a combination of sleeping pills and vodka, but in the traditional universes, Matthew saved her.

Madeleine’s letter was taken directly from Red Trailer Mystery. Any discrepancies with writing and calling are not mine. Also, “Mother” was put in quotes in the book, so I put it in quotes here.

And just for good measure, these characters belong to Random House Publishers, and I sure do hope they re-publish the entire series. And RH, please don’t ban us from writing Trixie fan fiction. We’re keeping the Bob-Whites alive and helping YOU sell books.