Why Do Fools Fall in Love?

Part Five

Author’s note:

In Part Four, Trixie admitted to Honey and Di that she is in love with Jim. Jim, fighting a losing battle with the demons from his past, announced at the party that he had proposed to Amanda, and she had accepted. Trixie left the ballroom in tears. The rest of the Bob-Whites were shocked, and Brian and Mart were livid. Honey and Brian were arguing. While outside, Trixie was approached by Madeleine Wheeler, who encouraged Trixie to not give up on Jim. Madeleine also told her she “hoped the best girl won”. As our story ended, Trixie was going to Crabapple Farm, and Jim and Amanda were approaching the Bob-Whites’ table. What happens next?

Please sit back, relax and watch the next segment of our story.

After relaying their thank-yous to several well-wishers, Jim and Amanda approached the table seating the Bob-Whites. Honey, Di and Kaye plastered fake smiles on their faces, the sort of which beauty pageant contestants are envious. Mart and Brian had managed to curb their collective anger, and sat with their jaws clenched and their fingernails digging into their palms. Dan remained motionless at the table, a Cheshire grin on his handsome face. Little did anyone know that he had a hand on the concealed pistol in his jacket, in case there was any need for crowd control.

The Bob-Whites, minus Trixie, managed to congratulate Jim and Amanda in a conciliatory, and hopefully genuine, manner. Madeleine returned from outside, and told the group that Trixie had received a phone message and left for Crabapple Farm. Jim looked worried, but the rest of the BWGs seemed to understand what really had happened.

Finally, the festivities came to a close. Dan went to the cloakroom located at the far end of the ballroom to find his date’s wrap. Upon entering the large closet, he discovered his uncle, who was searching for Kathy’s cape that matched her dress.

“Find what you’re lookin’ for?” Dan questioned with a grin.

Regan sighed in exasperation. “Why do ladies’ fancy-schmancy dresses always come with those dinky little shawl things that the women never seem to wear?” he asked, desperately trying not to fling the other wraps around in his search for Kathy’s.

“I don’t know, but if you come across an emerald-green and black one, give it to me.”

“I’ve seen fifty green ones, but not one single dark blue one,” Regan murmured in annoyance. Despairingly, he pulled a lacy cape off the rack. “Make that fifty-one.” He held out the light green shawl to his nephew.

“Nah, that’s sage green,” Dan corrected, rejecting the bit of fabric. “Emerald green’s darker.”

Regan held out yet another wrap, which Dan immediately rejected.

“That’s hunter green,” Dan argued. “That’s too dark. I’m looking for emerald green.”

Regan muttered some unintelligible words under his breath. “Hunter green, emerald green, sage green! I feel like I’m at some sort of freakin’ Crayola convention. This would help if I wasn’t colorblind!”

“Was Kathy’s shawl navy blue, royal blue, or midnight blue?” Dan questioned, thumbing through the wraps.

Regan groaned as he slapped his forehead with his open palm. “You’ve been watching too much ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’,” he mumbled.

“Having a command of the color spectrum really impresses the ladies,” Dan told him with a laugh. “It makes them think you’re sensitive and in touch with your creative side and all that crap.”

“I’ll stick to impressing them with my virility and masculinity,” Regan said, rolling his eyes.

Dan chuckled and reached in amongst the wraps and immediately pulled out Kaye’s. “Somebody’s in a bad mood,” he teased.

Regan scowled. “I’m not in a bad mood. I’m just in a hurry. Kathy’s going back to Florida in the morning, and I wanted to show her the stable before it gets too late. But, since she’s in an evening gown, she has to go back to her hotel to change first. So, we need to leave pronto.”

Dan grinned in amusement. “Ah, going to see the stable,” he commented, the sarcasm evident in his voice. “So that’s what they call it now.”

Regan grimaced at his nephew. “I’m going to show her Primo.” After several years of grooming other people’s horses, Regan had finally purchased a beautiful black Tennessee Walker of his own to train, which he’d named Primo.

“And does Kathy like horses?” Dan asked. He held out the long-sought after royal blue wrap as a peace offering to his uncle.

“Yes, she likes horses. Her family raises them,” Regan snapped, snatching the chiffon cape out of his nephew’s hands.

“She seems really nice,” Dan told him earnestly. “I like her. And she’s pretty, too. Could we possibly have seen the last of Bony Joanie?”

Regan couldn’t help but chuckle at Dan’s nickname for his on-again off-again girlfriend, Joan Stinson. “Be nice, Danny boy.”

“Why?” Dan asked with a snort. “She’s never bothered being nice to you, unless she’s hard up for a date, that is.” He’d never liked his uncle’s former flame. He never understood why, all those years ago, Joan Stinson didn’t leave Saratoga and seek out the man with whom she supposedly was in love, instead of believing all the accusations about him.

“How was your date?” Regan inquired, changing the subject.

“Very nice,” Dan answered with a smile. “I’m hoping it’s not quite over, yet,” he added with a waggle of his dark eyebrows.

Regan sighed and shook his head in exaggerated disdain. “Someday, Danny, you’ll meet your match. Some lady’s going to knock you for a loop, and when she does, you’ll be begging for mercy.”

Dan grinned that devilish grin that was the essence of Daniel William Mangan. “I can only hope.”

Regan leaned closer to his nephew and whispered conspiratorially, “So, what did you think about Jim’s big announcement?”

Dan snickered and looked around to make sure the coast was clear. “If he marries her, he’ll be making the biggest mistake of his life.” He began chuckling madly. “While we were dancing, Kaye called Amanda ‘The Braying Broomhilda’. I had to do a fast ‘dip’ maneuver to hide the fact we were both laughing like loons!”

“Kathy calls her the ‘Hateful Honking Hussy’.” Regan chortled merrily. “I just about busted a gut when she whispered that in my ear.”

“Have you heard Bobby’s name for her?” Dan asked.

Regan shook his head.

“‘Princess Pierce-the-eardrum!’” Dan hooted.

They shared a hearty chuckle. However, their laughter was replaced by cringing as they heard Amanda’s laugh echoing from the ballroom. The thought of having to hear that for the rest of their natural lives was sobering.

“How’s Trixie taking the news?” Regan queried. He’d spent many years around the Bob-Whites, and it was obvious to him that Trixie and Jim were in love with each other.

Dan shrugged. “She seemed pretty upset, but she didn’t say anything. She was crying though.” He patted the empty breast pocket of his tuxedo jacket. “Hope she remembers to bring back my fake hanky. I need it before I can take this back to the rental shop.”

“What did she say to Jim?” Regan inquired.

“She snuck out the patio door before Jim and Amanda came over. Mrs. Wheeler told us she had a phone call and had to leave.”

“So, Mrs. Wheeler spoke with her?” Regan questioned, concern evident on his face.

“I guess so,” Dan answered. “Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?”

Regan shrugged and grinned slightly. “With Mrs. Wheeler, you never know. But, she’s always been fond of Trixie.”

“Who isn’t? Everybody loves Trixie.”

Regan raised a sandy brow in speculation. “Even you?”

Dan glared at his uncle. “Yes, I’m fond of Trixie. But only as a friend,” he answered honestly. “It was obvious when I moved here that she was crazy about Jim, and that Jim would tear anyone’s eyeballs out of their sockets who looked twice at ‘his special girl’,” he chuckled. “And besides, who in their right mind would want Brian and Mart for brothers-in-law?”

Regan laughed as he nodded in agreement. “Not to mention Bobby. Don’t even get me started about the Johnson gene pool. I’d be afraid of what sort of child Miss Fidget might have someday.”

“You know what they say: You reap what you sow. I can only imagine how snoopy Trix’s kid will be.” Dan grinned wickedly.

“Maybe that’s what scared Jim off,” Regan commented. “I don’t think he could handle having a daughter even more curious than Trixie. He’s worse than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, as it is.”

Dan cringed slightly. “Of course, now he runs the risk of having a daughter that laughs like a mildly-sedated otter at Sea World.”

“Well, there’s always the chance that Brian or Mart will maim him with their butter knives, and he won’t be unable to sire any kids, anyway.” Regan’s expression was one of pure evil.

“That is a definite possibility,” Dan agreed. “To be honest, I was more worried about Jim than I was Trixie for a while. I thought for sure Mart and Brian were going to kill him. The way Mart was gripping the empty seat beside him, I was afraid he’d pick it up and bash Jim in the head with it.”

Regan laughed. “It might’ve knocked some sense into ol’ Jim.”

Dan chuckled along with his uncle. “If I was Frayne, I’d stay out of dark alleys till those Belden boys calm down. And Jim’s really lucky that Bobby wasn’t there. That kid’s a nut.”

Bobby Belden had grown up, and was no longer an impish six-year-old. At 18, he towered above both his brothers, and had the build of a linebacker. It was no secret that he adored the dirt his sister walked upon.

“And they say redheads have a temper,” Regan cracked dryly.

“It seems our sweet Honey has a bit of a temper, as well,” Dan added. He was rewarded by a gasp from Regan.

“Well-mannered, ever tactful, ‘knows just what to say and when to say it’ Honey has a temper?” Regan asked in disbelief.

Dan nodded. “She and Brian got into it over Jim’s big announcement.” He sighed sadly. “This engagement’s just going to cause trouble for the Bob-Whites. People in love are stupid.” Without another word, he turned to find Kaye.

At Trixie and Honey’s apartment…

Brian nervously knocked on the door of the two-bedroom apartment his sister and his girlfriend rented. Honey had to drive her car back to town, so Brian had agreed to meet her at the apartment later. Of course, that had been decided upon before their big blow-up in the Wheelers’ ballroom. After knocking several times, he was beginning to wonder if Honey was going to answer the door, or perhaps leave him outside to mull over his stupidity.

Just as he was about to give up hope, she opened the door, dressed in some comfortable sweats and drying her tawny-colored tresses with a towel. Brian sighed in relief.

“I was getting ready to leave,” he said, the tiniest of smiles on his face. “I thought maybe you’d decided to lock me out.”

“I thought about it,” Honey admitted. “Come on in.” She stepped aside slightly to allow Brian entrance.

He came in and loosened the oppressive tie at his throat. However, loosening that bow tie did little to relieve the noose tightening about his neck. He chose a seat on the couch, hoping to be joined by his girlfriend. However, Honey purposely sat in the chair across from the couch, preferring to glare at him from a distance.

Brian sat back and held up his one of his large, size-thirteen feet. He tentatively measured it with his hands, and then quizzically compared that to his mouth.

“What’re you doing?” Honey asked impatiently.

“Seeing how I managed to fit my foot in my mouth. It’s an amazing scientific feat, no pun intended.”

In spite of her anger, Honey giggled. “Well Dr. Belden, collapsible feet do run in your family.”

“Speaking of the Beldens’ foot-in-mouth gene, where’s Trixie?”

“In her room. I’ve knocked several times, but she doesn’t answer.”

Brian looked up in alarm. “How long has she been in there?”

“I don’t know. She was in there before I got home.”

A look of panic distorted Brian’s features. “Is she all right?”

Honey shrugged. “I’m sure she’s upset. Who wouldn’t be?”

“Did you threaten to unlock the door if she didn’t let you in?” he demanded.

“No,” she answered, a hint of exasperation edging her tone. “She’ll come out when she’s ready to come out. Right now, she wants to be left alone, so I’m going to leave her alone.”

Brian scrunched in face in worry. “You don’t think she’ll hurt herself, do you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Locking herself in her room could be a cry for help!” he exclaimed.

“She’s not crying out for help,” Honey argued. “She’s crying because she has a broken heart.”

“She didn’t leave a note, did she?”

“What kind of a note?” she queried.

Brian began waving his hands. “The note!” he declared ominously. “The kind of note you leave before you swallow a bunch of pills to end it all!”

Honey groaned and buried her face in her slender hands. Finally, she looked up at her boyfriend in disgust. “Surely, you’re not suggesting Trixie would commit suicide?”

“You never know! I mean, the last time we saw her, her mental state wasn’t that good. And she always overreacts.”

Honey merely rolled her eyes. “Trixie isn’t the only one.”

“Is her door locked?” Brian asked in desperation.

“I’m not positive, but it probably is.”

“Do you have a key, or can you pick the lock? Or maybe we should just go ahead and take the door off the hinges? Have you got a Phillips head screwdriver around here?”

“Maybe you should just break the door down,” Honey suggested dryly.

Brian’s eyes grew as big as saucers. “Do you think we should? Is she that distraught?”

“Brian Belden!” Honey exclaimed. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing!” he exploded. “I’m just concerned about my baby sister!”

“Right now, I’m more concerned about you than I am about Trixie!” she countered.

“What do you mean? I’m fine.”

Honey giggled in spite of herself. “If being a total control freak is fine, then you’re perfectly perfect!”

“I am not a control freak!” Brian argued. “I’m just worried about my sister. I love her, but she can’t take care of herself.”

Honey rose from her seat and knelt before him. She silently measured his large foot with her hands, and then held her hands up to his mouth with a grin. “You’re doing it again,” she chided gently.

“I know,” Brian muttered, burying his head in hands. “I can’t help it. Worrying is what I do best. It’s the only Johnson gene I got from Moms. Which is, incidentally, the only Johnson gene Trixie, Mart, and Bobby didn’t get.”

Honey took Brian’s hands in her own and forced him to look her in the eye. “Sweetheart, I know you worry about Trixie and that you love her very much. But you need to trust her.”

“I do trust her,” he replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Then why do you want to break into her room and search for guns, knives, and harmful substances?”

Brian’s brown eyes widened in horror. “She doesn’t really have any weapons or drugs in there, does she?”

Honey gently slapped him on the shoulder. “You’re missing the point. Trixie’s a big girl now. She can take care of herself, despite of what you think. She doesn’t need her big brother busting in her bedroom, absconding with her shoelaces so she can’t hang herself from the ceiling fan with them.”

Brian grinned ruefully. “I guess I have been a little overbearing.”

“Just a little?” Honey inquired, her tone dripping with sarcasm.

He sighed deeply and pulled Honey close to him. He laid her head on his strong chest and stroked her hair. “Oh, Honey. I’m so sorry.”

“About what?” she murmured, contentedly breathing in Brian’s cologne.

“Everything,” Brian answered. “About not trusting Jim. About thinking Trixie was on the verge of suicide. About jumping on you in the ballroom. About being an obsessive, compulsive, psychotic whack-job.”

Honey giggled as she raised her face from off of Brian’s chest to look in his eyes. “Go on,” she teased.

He grinned and ruffled her hair. “I’m sorry about loving you so much,” he added, kissing the tip of her nose.

“No need to apologize about that, Dr. Belden,” she whispered as she kissed him softly on the lips.

Brian gazed at her, admiring her elegant features. He gently stroked her cheek, in awe of the beauty before him. “Whatever happens with Trixie and Jim, I promise to not let it affect us.”

“Even if Jim marries Amanda?” she asked tenuously.

Brian gritted his teeth. “Even if Jim marries the Walking Adenoid.” He scratched his chin thoughtfully. “I wonder how big her adenoids actually are. Maybe she’d let me schedule an adenoidectomy at the university. With that laugh, they’d have to be of Guinness World Record proportions. I’m sure doctors from around the globe would like to see them.”

Honey laughed. “Maybe Jim could display them at Ten Acres in the science lab.”

“Now, that’s a great idea!” he replied excitedly. “Just think of the publicity for the Academy!”

Honey shivered in horror. “I don’t think I can bear spending every holiday with that laugh. I hope Jim changes his mind before it’s too late.”

“If Jim does marry her, he’ll be making the biggest mistake of his life,” Brian said solemnly.

She nodded her head in agreement. “Let’s hope Jim wises up before the wedding.”

“Maybe I can just slip him a mickey before the ceremony,” Brian suggested with a wicked smile on his face.

“That I would like to see,” Honey giggled. “Boring Brian slipping Mr. Honorable a mickey.”

“I know how to do it, you know. They teach us that sort of thing in medical school.”

“I’m sure they do.” Honey tenderly ran her hand through his dark wavy hair and sighed happily. She loved it when Brian joked around. Not many knew this carefree, humorous Brian existed, but he occasionally made an appearance. And she cherished the times he did visit.

“I love you, Dr. Belden,” she murmured, her hazel eyes glistening with affection.

“And I love you, Private Investigator Wheeler.” Brian lowered his head and sought Honey’s lips. No matter what happened between Trixie and Jim, they’d be okay.

Later that night, at Mart and Diana Belden’s…

Diana straddled her husband’s back, kneading his knotted muscles skillfully with her hands. “You’re tense,” she murmured, tucking a lock of ebony hair behind her ear.

Mart raised his head slightly and snorted. “Yeah, I wonder why. I about broke my jaw from grinding my teeth. I’m surprised there weren’t little bits of calcium sprinkled all over my tuxedo jacket. I still can’t believe that Jim proposed to Amanda!”

“I know! That was such a shock. And just think; Trixie was getting ready to go to find Jim and tell him how much she loves him.”

“Really?” Mart questioned angrily. “I did not need to know that! Now, I’m really mad!”

“Calm down,” she soothed, massaging his shoulders in an effort to relax him.

“How do you know that Trix was going to talk to Jim?”

“She told me after she finished dancing with Jim.”

“She was supposed to tell Jim while she was dancing with him,” he muttered. “That’s why I was keeping ‘Frayne’s Folly’ occupied. All that torture for nothing.”

“If Jim knew you called his fiancée that, he’d be mad,” she laughed.

“Like I care about that now!” Mart stormed. “Besides, you call her ‘Mistress Squawkinhonker’. I almost got a hernia trying to control my laughter when you called her that during the announcement.”

“Poor baby,” Di cooed, as she leaned down to kiss her husband’s neck.

“Then, to top it all off, Honey, Miss Congeniality of the Century, blurts out, ‘I can’t believe I’m going to be related to the Demented Diva!’ ” he imitated in a falsetto voice. “Ah, what a tragic day in Bob-White history when our two most mannerly members resort to name-calling!”

“If Amanda marries Jim, will she be a Bob-White by default?” Di pondered, a quizzical look clouding her deep violet eyes.

“If Trixie and Jim had just been honest about their feelings years ago like we were, we wouldn’t have to worry about that,” Mart ranted.

“True,” she agreed. “But everybody isn’t like us.”

“Well, if everybody was like us, the world would be a better place,” Mart proclaimed. “I have half a mind to call Jim up, right now, and give him a piece of my mind.”

“If you only have half a mind, and you give Jim a piece of it, you won’t have much left, dear,” Di teased. “You always mix your metaphors when you’re angry.”

“Angry?!” he exploded, the veins in his forehead bulging. “I’m beyond angry. I’m nearing animosity! Acerbity! Acrimony! Asperity! And all those other ‘A’ words meaning anger!”

Di leaned over to Mart and whispered in a sultry voice, “I love it when you show off your vocabulary. It makes me feel like we’re teenagers again, and it really turns me on.”

“You’re not helping, kitten. I’m trying to throw a fit to make all other fits look anemic, and you’re making me laugh. Please, allow me a moment of unadulterated umbrage,” he griped. However, it was clear by his endearing tone that Diana’s attempts at appeasing him were working.

“Unadulterated umbrage. Very homiletic,” she murmured appreciatively. “And if anyone deserves a good rant, it’s you, sweetie. I know how angry you were with Jim, and how you wanted to throttle him. I was so proud of how you restrained yourself.”

“Throttling is too good for the likes of him,” Mart spouted. “I mean, my sister was crying. Trixie never cries.”

“She seemed to be doing okay,” Di said less than convincingly.

“Babe, there were tears. Tears accompanied by great globs of mucous,” Mart stated gravely. “Jim deserves to die for causing that mucous.”

Di continued rubbing her husband’s broad shoulders. “I must say, I was very impressed with how gracious you were when he and Amanda came over to our table.”

“I was gracious, wasn’t I?” Mart stated, grinning.

“Definitely. And you were also eloquent,” she added.

“Indubitably,” he agreed proudly.

“You’re a prince among men, darling,” Di teased. “So, why didn’t you go all barbarian on Jim and kick his butt?”

“Aw, Trix would’ve been mad if I caused a scene,” Mart muttered. “As much as I wanted to deck him, I didn’t want to hurt my sister. Jim’s already taken care of that.”

Di sighed unhappily. “I hope she got home all right. She was very upset.”

“I wish I could’ve checked on her before we came home. I’m worried about the poor kid.”

“She’s not a kid, Mart,” Di scolded. “She’s a month older than me, for crying out loud.”

Mart sighed. “I know that. But she’ll always be my baby sister, even when we think wearing black dress socks with sandals is fashionable and we take out our teeth at night to put them in a jar on the nightstand.”

“Ewww!” Di groaned. “Please tell me you’ll never wear black dress socks and sandals. I don’t think I’d be able to tolerate that.”

“I can’t forget the devastated expression on Trixie’s face,” Mart said, his voice rising with each word. “Just thinking about it makes me want to go back to Manor House and see how Jim’s nose would look reattached to his forehead! He’ll regret breaking my sister’s heart!”

“I pity the fool who messes with my sista’!” Di exclaimed in a gruff voice.

Mart forgot his prior anger, laughter finally consuming him. He rolled over on his back and pulled his wife close to him. “That has to be the worst Mr. T. impersonation I’ve ever had the privilege of hearing.”

“But it made you laugh, didn’t it?” Di giggled, running her slender fingers through her husband’s short sandy curls. “Finally, something worked. I was running out of ideas.”

“You can always make me laugh, even when I don’t want to,” he admitted. He stared at his wife’s beautiful face, once again awestruck that this perfect creature chose to be with him. “I love you so much, Diana.”

Di tenderly caressed her husband’s strong jaw. “I love you, too.”

He sighed and pulled her close until she rested on top of him, wrapping his tanned, muscular arms tightly around her. “I just want Trixie to be as happy as we are,” he said, rubbing his wife’s back.

“And you think she would be happy with Jim?”

“Of course. Don’t you?” Mart’s tone was surprised.

“Of course,” she answered. “But I didn’t know that you thought that.”

Mart snorted. “I’ve known she was crazy about him since I first read that letter we got from her while Brian and I were at camp.” He paused, and then proceeded in another high-pitched, falsetto voice. “Jim’s just about the most wonderful boy in the world…He’s simply super at all sports and woodcraft…”

He chuckled, his voice returning to its normal deep pitch. “You should’ve seen Brian’s face when we read that letter. He began packing his bags immediately to return home and meet Jim.”

“Poor, poor Brian,” Di said with a laugh. “Or maybe I should say, poor, poor Honey having to put up with Brian.”

“Just think, in some alternate universe, you could’ve ended up with Brian,” Mart teased.

She sighed happily and nuzzled her husband’s neck. “I’m glad I ended up with the right Belden brother.” She paused momentarily as a thought popped in her mind. “If I would’ve ended up with Brian, would that have left you with Honey?”

Mart lay silently, knowing anything he said could, and most definitely would, be held against him in the court of Diana.

She gently nipped his neck.

“Ow!” he yelped. “What was that for?”

“For thinking whatever it is you’re thinking,” she teased.

Mart suddenly rolled over, taking his shapely wife with him. Now in the dominant position, he leaned down to kiss her soundly. After several minutes of tongue tangling, he pulled away, breathless. “I’m thinking that I’m glad that everything turned out exactly like it did. I’m married to the most beautiful, intelligent, sensitive, sweet, caring woman on the face of the planet, and I wouldn’t be content with anyone else.”

“You forgot well-coordinated,” she added with a giggle.

Mart gave an exaggerated sigh. “Let me try this again. I’m married to the most beautiful, intelligent, sensitive, sweet, caring, well-coordinated woman on the face of the planet. Is that better?”

“Much,” Di purred, raising her lips for another kiss, which her husband happily provided.

“And you…” he began, looking pointedly at his wife.

“And I what?” she innocently questioned.

“And you’re married to…” Mart prompted eagerly.

“And I am married to the most verbose, utterly exasperating, hot-tempered, comedic, know-it-all on the face the planet,” Di teased.

Mart feigned a hurt look. “I’m not hot-tempered.”

“Let me see if I can remember your exact wording. Hmmm… Something about seeing how Jim’s nose would look attached to his forehead…”

“It’s nothing less than he deserves!” he protested.

“Sweetie, how’re you going to work with Jim at the school if you’re so angry with him?”

“I don’t know. I never thought about it before,” he admitted.

“I think we need to make an agreement.”

Mart lowered his eyebrows, critically mulling his wife’s words. “What do you mean?”

“You need to make a vow that you won’t lose your temper with Jim.” Di squirmed out from under her husband and sat up in bed.

“A vow?” he repeated, propping himself up on one elbow. “How about an oath where we cut our hands and mingle our blood?”

“Ewww. Too Angelina and Billy Bob-bie, and you know how they ended up,” Di protested. “What’s wrong with a plain vow?”

“Vows are for sissies.”

“We said vows at our wedding,” Di pointed out huffily.

Mart exhaled deeply. He’d learned the hard way not to argue with his wife over terminology. “What kind of vow do you want me to make?”

Di picked up her husband’s right hand and placed it over his heart. She picked up his left hand and positioned it with the palm facing her. “Repeat after me. I, Martin Andrew Belden, do solemnly swear…”

“This is dumb,” he muttered, stubbornly crossing his arms. “I changed my mind. If you think I’m going to make some stupid vow, you’re crazy.”

She raised her ebony brows in speculation. “Would you rather sleep on the sofa?”

“Sofa? You mean, no sugar?” Mart asked meekly.

“No sugar,” she threatened.

He obediently reassumed his “vow” position. “I, Martin Andrew Belden, do solemnly swear…”

“That I will contain my temper regarding James Winthrop Frayne the Second…”

“That I will… somewhat contain my temper… regarding James Winthrop Frayne the Second…” he mumbled.

“That I will forego any violent actions…”

“That I will forego any violent actions that will leave permanent damage or scarring…” Mart grinned impishly.

“That I will be congratulatory concerning his engagement to Amanda Woodward…” Di continued, attempting to stifle a giggle.

“That I will attempt to be… sort of congratulatory concerning his engagement, which is a huge mistake; to the most annoying woman on Earth, affectionately known as Frayne’s Folly…”

“And I promise this for as long as I shall live,” she finished.

Mart grinned, pointedly crossed the fingers of his left hand, then continued, “And I promise this for as long as I shall live, or at least until my wife forgets about it.” He lowered his hands, and kissed his wife on the cheek. “For the record, there was nothing in that vow about not asking Dan to contact Big Louie.”

Di exhaled deeply in exasperation. “Will you and Brian ever be satisfied? After all these years of threatening Jim, you want to hire a hit-man because he’s not going date your sister?”

“Wait just a minute,” Mart argued. “Brian was the one with all the rules and threats. I always tried to help them get together.”

“That’s true, I suppose,” she conceded.

“I am, after all, Brother of the Year,” he declared proudly.

“Not so fast, mister. You did threaten Tad Webster that if he laid one hand on Trixie at her senior prom, he would need a catheter for the rest of his existence.”

Mart snickered. “Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Little good that did, though. Tad told Trixie what I said. So, while Moms and Dad were taking pictures of them, Trixie gave Tad this big kiss, to see if I was serious. She wanted to see if I could really kick Tad’s butt. As if that isn’t obvious.”

“You didn’t trust Tad?”

“No way! After all, I was friends with him. I heard what he talked about in the locker room,” he concluded with a snort.

“So, you didn’t trust Tad,” Di commented. “What about Dan? Would you trust Dan with Trixie?”

Mart rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t trust Dan with a blow-up doll.”

“But Dan’s your best friend.”

He snorted again. “And your point is?”

“So, Jim’s the only man worthy of your sister,” reasoned Di.

Mart nodded sensibly. “Exactly. My sister deserves the best, and as much as I hate to admit it, Jim’s the best man for her. Just ask half the women I work with at the Sleepyside Sun. They’ll all tell you. Cathy, Susan, Vikki… the list goes on and on. It’s enough to drive me to therapy.”

Di giggled and threw her arms around her husband. “You really are sweet, you know.”

Mart sniffed proudly and placed his thumbs under his armpits. “Yeah, it’s tough being so wonderful.” He was immediately knocked off balance by the pillow with which Di whacked him.

He chuckled and sat back up in bed. “Seriously, I think Jim and Trix would make the perfect pair. Balance each other out, so to speak. Jim would help Trixie not to rush into situations and get herself killed, and Trixie would help Jim not to be so boring he might as well be dead.”

Di smiled thoughtfully. “Very good points, indeed.”

“And you can’t deny what a connection they have. They are destined to be together. Like peanut butter and jelly. Ham and eggs. Corned beef and hash.” He paused for a moment, and then continued, “Hey, I’m getting kind of hungry. Wanna go raid the icebox?”

She merely smiled and began placing kisses along his collarbone. “I’m not hungry,” she murmured. “For food, that is.” Her hand gently made its way up his leg until her fingertips reached his muscled thigh.

Mart closed his eyes, and leaned back his head. “Me neither,” he whispered. “Uhhh… What we were talking about again?”

Di briefly stopped her nuzzling. “Jim and Trixie. Being meant for each other.”

“Oh, yeah,” he murmured, his thoughts swirling and meshing together in a discombobulated mess. He sighed as Diana’s hand continued its leisurely path to his chest. “They go together perfectly. Like a hot bath and bubbles. Like candlelight and roses. Like a fireplace and a bearskin rug.”

She placed a long index finger on top of his lips. “Now you’re on the right track. But why don’t you use your mouth for something besides talking.”

“One more?” he queried with an impish twinkle in his blue eyes.

“One more.”

Mart took his wife’s hand and placed it upon his heart. “Trixie and Jim go together like Romeo and Juliet. Like Anne and Gilbert. Like King Arthur and Guinevere. Like Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. Like Arwen and Aragorn.” Mart paused and kissed his wife’s forehead. “Like you and me,” he whispered huskily.

Di climbed onto her husband’s lap, facing him. “Like you and me,” she repeated in a sultry voice, kissing him softly.

With a hasty tug, Mart pulled his wife’s lacy, dark orchid nightgown over her head and tossed it onto the floor. Soon, all thoughts of Trixie and Jim were forgotten…

Credits:

I always begin by thanking my editors, Kathy and Kaye! That is because my writing would totally stink without their input. You both help me so much! {{{BIG HUG!!!}}}

Check out the outtakes for this installment at the Blooper Reel…

Crayola is a brand of crayons. I do not know if they have conventions or not! And of course, Regan’s line “It would help if I wasn’t colorblind!” was originally said by Donkey on the movie, “Shrek.” Colorblindness runs in my family, but I do not have it.

“Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” is a show that I have never watched, but it seemed like a good one for Regan to make fun of.

Primo is an actual black Tennessee Walking horse that my dad used to own. Dad sent him to a professional trainer in another state, and while Primo was there, the trainers were in an awful accident while hauling their horse trailer. One showhorse was killed, and Primo was permanently injured. I always thought Primo was beautiful, so I had him be Regan’s horse.

Bony Joanie is of course Regan’s former love interest mentioned in Saratoga. I have no opinion regarding Joan. It depends on how she is written. However, in this particular universe, she’s nasty and Dan doesn’t like her.

I must attribute the brilliant Kathy with many of the pet names for Amanda in this story. Such as Braying Broom-hilda, Hateful Honking Hussy, Princess Pierce-the-eardrum, Walking Adenoid, Frayne’s Folly, Mistress Squawkinhonker, and Demented Diva. I asked her for one, and she gave me a gold mine of great zingers that I had to work in the story. I bow to her excellence. BTW, during filming, Regan got so tickled at her zingers that he couldn’t keep his hands off of her. J I told you I’d get that in there someplace, Kathy!

Sea World is a fun place to go. I’m sure PETA doesn’t allow them to sedate their otters like I said, but hey, it made a good Amanda analogy. *VEG*

In no wise am I picking on Brian for being an obsessive, compulsive, psychotic whack-job. I’m one, too! It’s a firstborn thing.

Mr. T. is an actor who was known for being tough. He was on the show, The A Team, which I never watched.

Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton are two actors who were married, and carried each other’s blood around their neck in little vials. *snort* Wonder why THAT marriage didn’t last? ICK!

Big Louie is a reference to the hit-man Dan knew and would contract if any of Trixie’s dates got out of hand. Apparently, he mentioned this to Mart at some point in time.

And here we find why Trixie and Tad kissed before her prom. See how much trouble Jim would have saved if he had only asked her about it! Aren’t I evil? And for the record, I think Mart could kick Tad’s butt. Kaye may not agree with me, but I’m sure Carol would take my side! *wink*

Recognize any of the writers at the Sleepyside Sun? *G* Mart sure works with some wonderful writers!

And of course, I mentioned some of my favorite literary couples. Romeo and Juliet, Anne and Gilbert, Guinevere and King Arthur, Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy, and my most favorite, Aragorn and Arwen. I didn’t have permission to use these couples, but hey, it’s good publicity! J