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A Holiday Story Jixemitri Mystery Book CWP #1 And
This story takes place in the “Here and Now” universe and
occurs during Christmas break after such stories as “Boys Will Be Boys”
and “A Day in the Life of Moms”.
If you haven’t read those stories, you’ll still understand this one, but you
might not get some of the jokes. Happy holidays from The Cameo! “Ev’rybody
thopthz an’ tharethz at me! Thethe two teeth are gone athz you can thee! I
don’t know who to blame for thithz mu-ma-ma-me! But my one withz on
Chrithmath Eve ithz athz plain athz it can be!” Bobby Belden happily sang at
the top of his lungs as he bounced around the living room of Crabapple Farm. Bobby’s Christmas present from Brian, a
small newt appropriately named “Isaac”, was clasped in his chubby hand. Poor
Isaac the Newt looked terrified and desperate for freedom. “All I want fer
Chrithmath ithz my two front teeth, my two front teeth, thee my two front
teeth!” he continued noisily. Unfortunately for his audience, volume was a
poor substitute for talent. “Who taught Bobby that song?” Dan
Mangan demanded, trying in vain to cover his ears to muffle the serenading. Brian
Belden shot a dirty look at his middle brother. “I know I didn’t. I’m in enough trouble with Moms as it is for bringing
another creepy critter into the house.” Trixie
mirrored Brian’s nasty glare. “I didn’t teach it to him, either.
And Moms and Dad would never
willingly inflict this sort of torture on us. They love us.” “I
know it wasn’t Larry and Terry,” Di replied. “I don’t think they know that song,
and after hearing it a gazillion times tonight, I hope they never learn it.” Even
Honey, who was usually amused by Bobby’s antics, was on edge from the
continuous singing. “Maybe Ben taught it to him when he stopped by on
Christmas Eve,” she suggested. “Nope.
My money’s on Mart,” Trixie said through gritted teeth. She glared over at
her slightly older brother. “Mart didn’t have his front teeth during his sixth Christmas and nearly drove Moms
and Dad crazy singing that confounded song. I’m positive it was my
almost-twin who passed down the mantle to our darling little brother.” Mart
donned his best angelic expression. It was almost frightening how much he
resembled Bobby at that moment. “What?” He held up his hands in a defensive
manner. “You just assume it was me?
Maybe Bobby learned it from that
new neighbor kid he sits on the bus with. Or maybe he heard it on the radio, or at school, or at…” “Thankthz
for teachin’ me thithz cool thong, Mart!” Bobby exclaimed as he skipped past
the Bob-Whites. “I jutht ‘dore it! An’ I can thing it even gooder than Mart
did when he teached it to me, ‘cuz I’m jutht like that kid in the thong an’
don’t gotted my front teeth. Lithten! All I want fer Chrithmath ithz my two
front teeth, my two front teeth, thee my two front teeth. Gee, if could only
have my two front teeth, then I could mu-ma-mu-ma Chrithmath!” Bobby’s
last notes were so loud and off-key that Reddy pawed at the door, whimpering
to be allowed outside in the cold night air as to escape the noise. Jim
wrinkled his ginger brow. “Then I can
mu-ma-mu-ma Chrithmath?” he questioned in a low voice. “Gee, Mart. You
could’ve at least taught him the right words.” Honey
laughed so hard that she almost spilled her eggnog. “What’s mu-ma-mu-ma Chrithmath?” Mart
rolled his eyes. “Elementary, dear Watson. My much more callow and, thereby much less
sagacious puerile kinsman has dissipated all former remembrance of the
precise wording; hence, he has substituted ‘mu-ma-mu-ma’ for the correct
‘with you Merry Christmas’.” Honey
scrunched her nose in confusion. “Then I could ‘with’ you Merry Christmas?
That doesn’t make sense at all.” “That’s
what ‘wish’ sounds like when don’t have your front teeth,” Trixie explained
with a giggle. “It’s how the song’s written.” She called out to her little
brother. “Come here, Bobby.” The
six-year old happily bounced to his sister’s side. “Whatcha’ want, Trixie?” “Say
‘I wish you a merry Christmas,’ ” she commanded. “I
with ya a merry Chrithmath!” Bobby exclaimed, raising Isaac Newt up in the
air. Duly inspired, he hopped away singing, “It theemthz tho long that I
could thay thither Thuthie thitting on a thithtle! Goth, oh gee, how happy
I’d be, if I could only whithtle! Thhh-thhh thh thh thh…” Bobby’s
pitiful attempts at whistling left Dan, Di, Honey, and Jim in hysterics. Of
course, the youngest Belden had been singing this same song since five
o’clock that morning when he’d woken everyone up to open gifts, so the
initial cuteness of it had worn off for Trixie, Mart, and Brian by noon. Fifteen
hours later, the older Belden siblings only had the strength to roll their
eyes and pray for deliverance. Much to their glee, after nearly colliding
with the Christmas tree, Bobby bounded off to the kitchen to serenade Moms. The
Bob-Whites had spent Christmas Day with their families. After they had all
finished dinner, they met at the Lynch estate, and Mr. Lynch took them
Christmas caroling around the town of Afterward,
the Bob-Whites retreated to Crabapple Farm for snacks, where they enjoyed
Mrs. Belden’s yummy Christmas cookies, creamy fudge, hot chocolate, eggnog,
and popcorn popped in the living room fireplace. Later that night, the boys
and girls would split up for their respective sleepovers. “Gee,
it’s a shame that we’re having our slumber party at the Manor House this
time,” Trixie replied sarcastically.
“We’ll sure miss hearing Bobby sing all night. How shall we ever
survive?” Di
laughed. “Don’t worry, Trix. I’m sure the guys would be only too happy to
tape it for us so we could listen to it later.” “Bobby
had better not sing that all night,” Brian groused. “I can’t take much more
of this. I’m about ready to find the duct tape and cover his mouth shut.” “Mental
note. Teachers will not be allowed
to teach ‘All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth’ at Ten Acres
Academy,” Jim groaned. Dan
grinned. “Don’t you mean Chrithmath?” He jovially whistled a few bars. Mart
moaned and belted his dark-haired friend with the couch cushion. “Don’t you
even start! Or you’ll be ‘withing’ me a ‘Merry Chrithmath’ for real after I
knock your front teeth out!” “If
I recall, you’re the one who started this, Martin Andrew Belden!” Trixie
pointed out with a snicker. “Well,
Mangan was the one who gave Bobby all the Runts®, chocolate, and Mountain
Dew®,” Mart retorted. “Dude!”
Brian slapped his head in exasperation. “What
were you thinking? Why not just give him a FD&C red dye number five I.V.?
Mountain Dew makes him go nuts!” “That’s
just great, Mangan!” Jim replied sarcastically. “Forget the fact that, on one
of his good days, Bobby’s the poster child for abstinence. Today, he’s even
more hyper than usual from all the Christmas excitement and you’ve made it a
million times worse by giving him kindergarten speed! He’ll bug us all
night.” Dan
shrugged. “Hey, I didn’t know. I kept giving him candy to shut him up. I
haven’t been around the little munchkins like you have.” “I
don’t have little brothers or sisters either, but even I know not to give that junk to Bobby,” Honey chided. “He’ll
bounce off the walls for the next three days.” “Nah,”
Mart disagreed. “I’ve seen this before. He’ll drive us totally bonkers until
four or Trixie
giggled. “Gee, as I said before, I’m so sorry that we’ll be at the Manor
House for all this.” “HEY!
Wait just a cotton-pickin’ minute!” Mart shouted. “Come to think of it, it’s our turn to stay at the Wheelers.
Right, guys?” All of the boys looked dumbfounded at Mart, and then nodded
their heads vigorously and headed for the door as they caught onto his ruse. “Stop
right there!” Honey commanded, her hands on her hips and a stern expression
on her face. “You boys know good and well that we stayed at Crabapple Farm
last time. It was right after the infamous ‘capsizing’ of Fluffy, so we had to suffer with Bobby that
evening.” Di
nodded sadly. “Yes, poor Fluffy has never been the same since. Every time she
sees Bobby, she runs under Mummy’s bed and hides for days.” “So,
we’ve paid our Bobby dues,” Trixie said. “Honey’s right. Our last sleepover
was at Crabapple Farm, so it’s your
turn to put up with the little monster.” “I
honestly don’t remember where we all stayed last time, so I think we should
draw straws to see who stays here with Speedy Gonzales,” Dan suggested. Jim
slapped Dan on the back. “Great idea, Dan. As co-president, I…” “Jim
Frayne!” Trixie thundered. “You know darn well that it’s our turn to stay at
the Manor House!” Honey nodded in agreement. “Yes, I
distinctly remember watching ‘A Perplexing Existence’ in this very living
room. And having the best part interrupted, incidentally.” “Yep,
that’s right!” Trixie agreed. “And I recall using the paint in our garage to
beautify Brian’s jalopy. Which he so ungratefully sanded and repainted, might
I add.” “And
I remember sneaking up to the Manor House to glam-up your sorry butts,” Di
added with a twinkle in her violet eyes. “By the way, Dan, you still haven’t
returned all my sparkly, pastel butterfly clips.” “So,
unless you boys want a Christmas makeover, this time complete with video
footage posted on YouTube, you will
be spending the night here with the toothless wonder,” Trixie insisted,
pointing her index finger at the guys menacingly. Horrid
visions of a tiara and a Frito-scented brassiere danced in Mart’s head.
“Well, after much fastidious ruminations, I seem to countermand that, by
order of the previous set-forth rotation, indeed it is our turn to sojourn at
Crabapple Farm,” he agreed reluctantly. Dan
nodded. “Yeah. What he said,” he added, placing his hands protectively over
his shaggy black hair. “Well,
now that we’ve settled that, we’re off to the Manor House for our
after-Christmas sleepover,” Trixie told them. “You boys have fun at your
slumber party.” “Whoa!”
Jim demanded, halting the girls in their tracks. “For the record, guys do not
have (here he made quote marks with his fingers and spoke in a lispy voice) thlumber parties.” Trixie
rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Give me a break! What’s the diff?” Brian
cleared his throat. “There’s a big difference, Trix. Girls have (Brian made
the same quote marks and assumed an identical lisp) thlumber parties. We men stay at each others’ houses,” he
informed her in a deadly serious tone. Honey
giggled. “Whatever! Well, we’ll leave you alone for your sleepover.” “Halt,
ye oh so feminine creatures!” Mart commanded. “Please let the record show
that the virile constituents of this cudgel do not have thleepovers, either.” Di
batted her violet eyes in confusion. “So, what do boys call their slumber parties?” “We’re
guys,” Dan snickered. “Our get-togethers don’t require special little names.
You can make us listen to Bobby sing all night, but we refuse to have (here
he made quote marks with his fingers and spoke in the same lispy voice his
three friends had used earlier) thlumber
parties or thleepovers.” Honey
crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. “You
have to call them something.” “No,
we don’t,” Jim argued. “We’re manly men. We have our own identities and don’t
need cutesy little names attached to everything.” Jim
was met by three pairs of blazing eyes: one china blue, one hazel, one
violet. He maintained his stance, but motioned for backup from his three male
counterparts. Brian,
gulping nervously, stepped up to bat for his friend. “Well, I have a question
for you girls. Why do they call them ‘slumber parties’ when you don’t
slumber?” “What’re
you talking about?” Trixie sniffed indignantly, giving a defiant toss of her
sandy curls. “That’s the dumbest question I ever heard!” Mart
stepped in the line of fire to take the next bullet. “What our eldest kinsman
is so eloquently attempting to elucidate is that why do you use a locution
that is such an oxymoron?” Trixie
snorted. “The only ‘oxymoron’ around here is you, Zit-face.” “The
definition of an oxymoron, for the verbally-challenged, is a figure of speech
in which contradictory ideas or terms are combined,” Mart explained in a
highly-superior tone. “Therefore, the query remains why you call them
‘slumber’ parties and ‘sleep’-overs, when absolutely nobody in the entire
abode gets any slumber or sleep during said slumber party or sleepover!” Mart’s
rousing speech was followed by a hearty round of applause from Brian and Jim.
They, in turn, looked at Dan, who merely put his hands up in surrender. “I’m not getting into this,” he said
defensively. “I don’t have any sisters, and I haven’t been to a sleep party
or a slumber-over in my life, so I’m pleading the fifth.” Jim
groaned and slapped his forehead. “You’re breaking the code, Dan! It’s all
for one, one for all. You must
agree with the rest of us men, regardless of your experiences or
preferences.” Dan
shrugged in surrender. “Yeah, okay, whatever. I’ll go with what Mart said,
too.” Di
feigned a hurt expression. “We do not
keep everybody up during our slumber parties,” she argued. “We stay in our
bedrooms, and don’t bother you at all.” That
statement was met with an enthusiastic round of laughter from the male
Bob-Whites. “Yeah,
right!” Brian replied sarcastically. “And if that’s true, I’ll eat every
single fruitcake that Mr. Wheeler received from his brown-nosing employees
this Christmas.” “Well,
Mr. Smarty-Pants, since we gave you a taste of what we do at slumber parties,
maybe you can enlighten us,” Trixie told him in a patronizing voice. “What do
you (here Trixie made those same quote marks with her fingers and spoke in
that lispy voice, as well) manly men
do during your male bonding?” “Nothing,”
all the male Bob-Whites chimed in tune. “Nothing?!” the girls repeated in
disbelief. Honey
sighed loudly. “You have to do something
at your little sl… er… get-togethers.” Brian
chuckled. “We sure don’t do each others’ hair and stupid junk like that.” “And
we don’t stick cucumbers on our eyes and goopy cream on our faces,” Jim
added. Trixie
sniffed indignantly and tossed her curls for the second time that evening,
much to Jim’s delight. “Frayne, I will
never put cucumbers on my eyes.
Cucumbers adorn salad, not my visual organs.” “You
never know what you’ll do someday for the sake of love, Trixie,” Diana
warned, taking note of her friend’s outfit. Trixie had worn a new navy
sweater, which she’d already complained was itchy, and Diana suspected her
friend’s choice of apparel had something to do with a certain supple redhead.
Mart
nodded knowingly. “This is precisely the kind of inanity about which you
feminine creatures converse. However, we, of the masculine variety, are
content to convene in total silence. We are secure enough in our fraternal
bonds that we have no need for idle chatter.” “And
we definitely don’t sit around and discuss our feelings like you do at your thlumber parties,” Dan told them (and
of course, the quotes and lispy voice were included!). Trixie
snorted. “I seriously doubt that Mart could sit there for hours without
saying something.” “Well,
I’ll tell you one thing,” Mart sputtered. “At least we men don’t go to the
bathroom with each other!” “And
we know why,” Di giggled, a devilish twinkle in her eyes. “Don’t we, ladies?” “Yep!”
agreed Trixie with confidence. Honey
adamantly nodded her head. “We sure do!” Dan
grinned as he leaned back and crossed his arms across his chest. “This should
be good. So, what’s your little theory?” “DUH!”
Trixie exclaimed. “It’s simple. Men don’t go to the bathroom together because
of that male envy thing. You’re insecure about your… assets.” Trixie’s
comment had the exact response she’d intended. Not only were the boys’ faces
just as red as Santa’s suit, they were also speechless. Even Mart. However,
Trixie, Di, and Honey were so amused by their horrified faces that they
rolled in the floor with laughter. After they had wiped several tears and
recovered enough to speak, Honey asked, “So, do you (she also made the little
quotes and spoke in that lispy voice) manly
men have a response?” Jim
cleared his throat and spoke in his deepest voice. “There’re just some things
that shouldn’t be discussed, and that’s one of them.” “Mart
brought it up,” Di commented. “But we won’t embarrass you (once again with
the quotes and lispy voice, except Di added a slight shimmy to her version) manly men further.” Honey’s
curiosity now piqued, she had to
ask. “So, what do you do? Do you
eat?” Brian
hooted with laughter. “Mart wouldn’t come if we didn’t!” “Do
you watch movies?” Di questioned. Jim
nodded. “Yeah, if it’s something with a lot of graphic violence…” “Or
lots of jokes about bodily functions…” Mart added. “Or
cool cars…” Brian put in. “Or
hot babes,” Dan concluded with a devastating grin. Trixie rolled her eyes. “Are you watching
anything tonight?” “As
a matter of fact, my exorbitantly inquisitorial kinswoman, we he-men
delineated upon watching the sure-to-become-a-Christmas-classic cinematic
marvel called ‘Hot Babes in Cold Places’,” Mart informed her. Honey
groaned. “Somehow, I doubt that your movie compares to ‘White Christmas’ and
‘It’s a Wonderful Life’.” “Does
this movie have the required cool car, fart gags, violence, and scantily clad
women?” Di queried, an ebony brow raised in speculation. “Yep,
it sure does!” Dan replied. “This one even has a plot! Four extremely hot
babes go investigate a mystery at some ski resort in Vermont.” “Starring
Reese Witherspoon,” Jim said with a dreamy expression. “Jessica
Alba,” Brian gushed. “Liv
Tyler,” Mart added with an impish smile. “And
Alyssa Milano,” Dan concluded with a lusty grin. Trixie
groaned. “I think I’ll have to skip that one, guys.” “Isn’t
the ‘Perplexing Existence’ Christmas special on tonight?” Di inquired. “You
know, the one where the guys go to Trixie
and Honey squealed in delight. “Oooh!
Ewan McGregor in matador breeches!” Trixie cried. “I’m there!” Honey
shook her head. “I’ll take Tom Welling any day.” “My
favorite’s still Matthew McConaughey,” Di said with a dreamy sigh. Dan
scratched his chin thoughtfully. “Doesn’t anybody like Orlando Bloom?” Trixie
hopped up from the couch and grabbed her overnight bag, which she’d packed
earlier. “We’d better go. Our movie starts at Mart
snorted. “I think I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus.” “Well,
it is Friday, you know,” Dan
grinned. Later that
evening, at the Manor House… Trixie,
Honey, and Di lay in the floor around the big screen TV in the Wheelers’
newly constructed recreation room. After enjoying their movie, they flipped
the channel to “Hot Babes in Cold Places” to see why the boys had wanted to
see it so badly. During a commercial break, Trixie sighed deeply. “Reese
Witherspoon!” she said, rolling her eyes. “She’s so cute… and perky. Ugh!” Honey
raised up on one arm and pretended to throw up. “Jessica Alba! I thought
Brian had better taste than that. Why, she can’t even act.” Di
flipped her pretty black hair in exasperation. “And I know Liv Tyler is
supposed to be a really nice person in real life, but who’s going to believe
that someone that beautiful is
actually sweet?” “And
Alyssa Milano’s character was just thrown in there as a love interest for the
extra guy,” Trixie sniffed. “Nobody really likes her anyway. She’s a weirdo.” Honey
nodded in agreement. “And that drawl is certainly annoying.” “Oh,
she’s not so bad, I guess,” Di remarked. “But, I still don’t see what’s so great
about this movie.” “Men!”
the girls groaned in chorus, turning the channel to a “Rudolph the Red-Nosed
Reindeer” marathon. The
big grandfather clock chimed twelve, signaling that this Christmas Day was
officially over. Di
looked mournfully out the window in the direction of Crabapple Farm. The
stars were merrily twinkling and the snow glistened on the ground. “All I
want for Chris’mas is my two front teeth, my two fr…” After being abruptly whacked with throw pillows
by Trixie and Honey, she stopped her song. “So, did you two get what you
wanted for Christmas?” “Moms
and Dad got me the complete set of Lucy Radcliffes, signed by Marvin Appleton
and everything,” Trixie answered. “And you guys got me All Through the Night and Silent
Night, the Mary Higgins Clark Christmas novels I wanted.” “I
got the new computer I asked for,” Honey said. “Now, I can get on the Lucy
message board anytime I want. What about you, Di?” In
response Di held up her right ring finger. “Mummy and Daddy got me the
beautiful new amethyst and diamond ring I wanted.” She sighed deeply and
looked longingly towards Crabapple farm. “But they couldn’t get me what I really wanted.” The
girls were silent, each understanding all too well what Diana meant. Trixie
and Honey followed Diana’s gaze out the window, looking toward the southeast.
Suddenly, Trixie shook her head, determined not to waste her time, mulling
over a certain stubborn redhead. It was at that moment that her gaze fell
upon a certain object. Trixie
giggled. “Ladies, I have an idea…” Meanwhile, at
Crabapple Farm… The boys crammed on the large couch in the living room
of Crabapple Farm. The remains of leftover turkey, cheesecake, cookies, and
fudge sat on the coffee table in front of them. Enjoying a companionable
silence, they watched their Christmas movie. Their bellies were full, and
their eyes were big as saucers as they watched the lovely actresses parade
around in a minimal amount of clothing. Not
being able to withstand the temptation, Mart grabbed his tenth Christmas
cookie. “I sure am glad Mrs. V. gave Moms the recipe for her special Dutch
Christmas cookies,” he commented stuffing the whole thing into his mouth. “Sweet!”
Dan murmured as he ogled the beautiful movie stars on TV. “They
sure are,” Mart agreed, grabbing another cookie. “Not
the cookies, lamebrain!” Dan exclaimed. “I’m talking about the hotties.” Mart
stood, looked up at the ceiling and placed his right hand over his heart. “I
only have eyes for the fair Diana, so help me God.” Brian
hooted with laughter. “Yeah, right. I saw how you put that fudge down when
Liv Tyler was dressed in that skimpy bikini.” Jim
whistled as he watched Reese Witherspoon interrogate a suspect. “Man, she’s
pretty,” he said in a dreamy voice. “With her hair curled, she looks like an
angel. And just look how spunky she is!” Brian
shrugged. “She reminds me too much of Moms. Jessica Alba's hot, though. I
love her eyes. Is it my imagination, or is there a hint of hazel in them? And
her character is great! Reese is always putting her foot in her mouth. Where
would she be without Jessica’s tact?” Mart
snorted. “Contraire, mon frere.
Methinks the beauty of Liv Tyler surpasses all. Her character may seem
a bit air-headed, but a great mind dwells under that gorgeous hair, and a
pure heart lieth within that lovely bosom.” Unfortunately,
Dan had just taken a large drink of pop, which he spewed out all over the
place. He dropped on the floor, laughing uncontrollably. “You guys are sick!
Jim likes the spunky, curly-haired blonde? And Brian likes the tactful,
hazel-eyed chick? And, surprise, surprise, Mart goes for the dark-haired babe
whose beauty is only exceeded by her kindness? Can’t you see what’s going
on?!” After
Jim wiped all the Pepsi® from his sweatshirt, he yanked Dan back on the sofa.
“Pray tell, why do you like Alyssa Milano? By any chance, does she remind you
of anyone? An Indian princess, perhaps?” That
quite efficiently wiped the smirk off of Dan’s face. Mart
sighed, turned around in his seat, and glanced out the window toward Manor
House. “I wonder what the girls are doing now.” “Probably
giggling and gossiping about Ewan McGregor,” Jim muttered. “And
Tom Welling,” Brian added unhappily. “Don’t
forget Matthew McConaughey,” Mart mumbled. “Hey,
they don’t give a rip about Orlando Bloom,” Dan said with a shrug his
shoulders. Jim
exhaled loudly. “Why are females such a mystery?” “If
we knew the answer to that, my friend, we’d be the richest men on the face of
the earth,” Brian told him with a chuckle. “I
should’ve kissed Di under the mistletoe,” Mart muttered sadly. “Me
too,” Dan repeated with an ornery grin, and was rewarded with a punch on the
arm from Mart. “Brian,
what would you do if I advanced beyond fond glances with Trixie?” Jim asked
hopefully. “I’d
have to break your legs,” Brian answered without missing a beat. “All three of them.” “Brian,
what would you do if I hit on Trixie?” Dan questioned innocently. “I’d
just sit back and watch Jim break all three of your legs,” Brian told him. “You know, I think I’m finally going
to take things up a notch with Honey on New Year’s Eve.” Jim
snorted. “Hey, if I can’t make a move on your sister, do you actually think
I’m going to let you make a move on mine?” “It
was worth a shot,” Brian remarked, grinning sheepishly. “Jim,
can I see if Honey’s willing to round third base with me?” Dan casually
inquired. “Sure,
Dan,” Jim answered with a shrug. “Just tell me first so I can set my timer
and see how long it takes Brian to kick your sorry tail back to “Man,
I’m glad Di doesn’t have any older brothers,” Mart observed. “But
she does have one very large, protective father,” Jim commented. Mart
laughed. “I can outrun him.” Dan
squinted his eyes, as in deep thought. “Do you guys know if Cap or Knut has
studied martial arts?” “I don’t care if Larry and Terry had
studied karate,” Mart said. “I’d still ask Di out if I thought I had a
chance.” Jim snorted. “Yeah, that’s real
brave of you, Mart, considering Di’s brothers are like, six.” “Hey, a six-year old with a black
belt is dangerous!” Mart pointed out. “Besides, I’d go out with her even if
Mr. Lynch could break a board with his head.” “If
you’re so brave, little brother, then why haven’t you made a move, Mr.
Lonelyheart?” Brian asked his younger sibling. “Just
don’t want to make you slow-pokes look bad,” Mart retorted. “A guy has to
follow the code and all.” The
guys all raised their cans of pop in a simultaneous toast. “To the code!”
they chanted, clinking their cans together. Mart
grabbed a Fig Newton® and crammed it in his mouth. “However, if you guys
don’t hurry up, I’m breaking the code and asking out Di anyway.” Jim
gasped and mockingly clutched his heart disparagingly. “Break the code?” “Yep,”
Mart answered, licking his fingers. “All’s fair in love and war. And Nick
Roberts is eyeing the fair Diana like I’m eyeballing that last piece of
cheesecake.” “I’d
like to think that a special girl
would wait on you, if she really cared about you, that is,” Jim commented. Dan
snickered. “Frayne, do you really
think if you keep it up with the orchids and fond glances that Trixie’ll wait
around for you forever? Get real! For your information, I’ve heard through
the grapevine that Tad Webster has the hots for your schoolgirl shamus.” Jim’s green eyes blazed with fury,
and he crushed the can he held in his hand. “I knew I hated that guy!” Brian
smiled confidently. “Well, I think Honey will wait for me.” Mart
sweetly smiled in return. “I’ve got two words for you, Bro: Pat. Murrow.” “I’ve got two more: Peter Kimball,” Dan
added. “Bob
Hubbell!” Jim added with a lopsided grin. Mart elbowed Jim. “Dude, Bob
Hubbell is so gay,” he whispered. “I think he’s more interested in Brian than
he is Honey.” “Okay, nix Bob Hubbell and add
Tenney Stetson!” Jim corrected. Brian
held up his hands in front of his face, as if to protect himself from any
more names hurled at him. “Okay! Nuff said! I admit that I’m chopped liver to
Honey.” Mart
gulped down that last piece of cheesecake, then wiped a few stray crumbs from
his chin. “So, why’re we sitting around here on Christmas night, wishing we
would’ve taken advantage of all that strategically hung mistletoe?” “Well,
it’s because of our various psychological issues, my friend,” Jim explained.
“Brian has a syndrome usually associated with the oldest child in a large
family, which attributes to his need to take care of everyone else and be
perfect. Dan has a fear of commitment due to his life on the cruel streets. I
have issues out the wazoo from Jonesy’s abuse. Mart, you are…” “Perfectly
normal,” Mart interrupted crossly. His friends hooted with laughter. “Little
brother, you are the textbook
example for middle child syndrome,” Brian teased. “I
am not the middle child,” Mart
argued. “There’re four of us, so that would make Trix and me both the middle child. And that’s
impossible.” “But
you are the middle boy,” Dan
pointed out. “And,
if you don’t count Bobby, which we usually don’t because of the vast age
difference, you’re still the middle
child,” Brian added. “So, you’re the middle child two different ways.” Jim
slapped Mart’s back sympathetically. “Dude, you’re really screwed up.” Dan,
having compassion on his best friend, attempted to change the subject. “We’re
sitting here talking about our feelings! If we don’t start thinking manly
thoughts pronto, we may get out the hair gel and the bikini wax. Let’s just
watch the movie. Okay?” The
guys silently resumed their positions in front of the TV. “Not
a minute too soon!” Brian exclaimed, his eyes glued to the screen as the
actresses in the movie began changing into their nightgowns. “Whoa,
mama!” Jim murmured, his eyes locked on Reese’s petite form. “Oh,
yeah!” Mart whispered, his blue eyes as large as saucers. “Reach
for the hook…” Dan urged. Suddenly,
the channel changed to “A Christmas Story”. Ralphie had just shot his Daisy
Red Ryder® BB gun and hit an icicle, which fell and busted him in the eye. The
boys exchanged a look of rage. “Trixie! Honey! Diana!” they cried in unison.
They hurriedly put on their shoes and raced out the front door, the snow
crunching under their feet. Whoever had that universal remote would pay!
Be
sure to check out the Blooper Reel at The Cameo… Thanks
again to Kaye and Kathy for their wonderful editing! You both are beyond
swell! I
have no idea who wrote the song “All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front
Teeth”, but one Christmas my daughter was missing her two front teeth and
drove us crazy singing it. There
were many moments from “Boys
Will Be Boys”
here, as well as a little foreshadowing from “Why
Do Fools Fall in Love?” But I’m allowed to plagiarize myself. J FD&C
red dye number five is famous for getting kids hyper. As is chocolate, candy,
and Mountain Dew. “A
Perplexing Existence” and “Hot Babes in Cold Places” are my own creation,
which explains how stupid they sound. Ewan
McGregor, Tom Welling, Matthew McConaughey, and Reese
Witherspoon, Jessica Alba, Liv Tyler, and Alyssa Milano were my pick for the
female BWGs and Hallie. The
idea for the “slumber party” debate came from my wonderful hubby, Damon. Once
I asked him what guys did at slumber parties, and I got the same reaction
that the girls got. Jeesh! They are really touchy about that junk! BTW,
his biggest complaint about his sister’s slumber parties was that she and her
friends would keep him awake all night with their giggling and gabbing, so
that made for wonderful banter. And
the “why do girls go to the bathroom in pairs” issue has long been debated.
However, the answer is so they can gripe about their dates in private. *wink* “Rudolph
the Red-Nosed Reindeer”, “A Christmas Story”, “White Christmas”, and “It’s a
Wonderful Life” are all Christmas classics. My personal favorite is “White
Christmas”. All
Through the Night
and Silent Night are two wonderful best-selling Christmas novels by
the glorious Mary Higgins Clark, who I think is just the berries! Read ‘em!
They’re perfectly perfect! All
analyzing of the male Bob-Whites was done by a non-professional, and
therefore, the opinions are highly unreliable. This
story was For Zap’s GWP Happy Holidays VI: A
gift- several were mentioned. For example, Bobby’s newt, Trixie’s books,
Honey’s computer, or Di’s ring. A
holiday song- “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth” A
food associated with the holiday season- Christmas cookies A
holiday decoration- the Belden’s Christmas tree that Bobby almost knocks over A
family tradition- the Lynches caroling An
animal associated with the holidays- a reindeer by the name of Rudolph Jixemitri Mystery Book CWP #1 A
holiday themed mystery book title- “All Through the Night” and “Silent Night”
two Christmas novels by Mary Higgins Clark, who is my favorite mystery
writer. And thank you for clarifying on the Jix MB that it couldn’t be a
made-up title. At the last minute, I had to substitute my Lucy “The Case of
the Scrupulous Santa” for the real books. YIKES! Any
holiday between November 1 and February 1- Why Christmas, of course! A
new construction- the Wheelers’ new rec room A
newborn- Tom Delanoy, Jr. A
fig Newton- Mart eats one A
new job- the boys in “A Perplexing Existence” get a new job working on a
ranch in A
new recipe or a food new to a character- Mrs. Belden tries a new recipe for
Christmas cookies that she gets from Mrs. Vanderpoel. A
new outfit- Trixie’s new sweater that I think she wore just for Jim’s benefit A
newt- Bobby’s Christmas present from Brian.
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