Part One

Author’s note:

This story takes place four days after “Things That Go Bump in the Morning”. To catch up everyone, Jim broke his engagement to Amanda Woodward, and is now secretly engaged to Trixie.

Saturday, January 22

“Ahh! Isn’t that just precious?”

“Simply adorable!”

“Ooh! What’s in that one?”

“The one with the teddy bears on it?”

“No, the yellow one over there.”

Somebody picked up a package and shook it. “Well, whatever it is, it doesn’t sound breakable.”

“Well, then what is it?”

“We won’t know until the mother-to-be unwraps it. So, open that present before you start to dilate, girl! Time’s a’wastin’!”

“Oh, what darling paper! Look at the cute little bunny rabbits!”

“Who cares about the ‘cute widdle bunny wabbits’! The little mama needs to hurry and open the package!”

“Yeah, if you don’t get a move on, Mommy, Junior’s going to graduate from college before you get all your gifts unwrapped!”

The faint noise of wrapping paper being ripped open was followed by a chorus of “oohs” and “aahs”.

“Ooh! Those sleepers are sooooo sweet!”

“Ahh! They look so tiny!”

“Huh, if that baby has his daddy’s appetite, he’ll grow out of those sleepers in no time!”

“And isn’t that matching hat just adorable?”

“What a lovely shade of blue!”

The ladies’ appetite for more hadn’t been sated; immediately the bloodthirsty partygoers demanded that the expectant mother open another present.

“Here! Unwrap this one next!” one of the women commanded, handing the recipient another package.

As a fresh torrent of pastel-colored gift wrap fluttered to the carpet, another round of delighted squeals echoed through the roomful of shower attendees.

“Oh, what a pretty baby blanket,” Trixie murmured as she admired the dominant deep purple shade of the quilt. “Di, it’s just your color.” When her sister-in-law remained silent, Trixie cleared her throat and poked Diana in the arm. “This is the planet earth calling Di Belden. Are you there?”

Startled from her thoughts, Diana looked up, her violet eyes cloudy. “What did you say, Trixie?”

Trixie pointed to the blanket which Ruthie (nee Kettner) Mundy had just unwrapped. “What do you think about the color of that quilt? Isn’t it pretty?”

Di blinked her wide eyes a few times, and then gazed at the blanket with a wistful smile. “It’s very nice, Ruthie. Your little one will be cozy and snug when he’s wrapped in that.”

Honey, sensing Diana’s discomfort, picked up a large package and set it beside the glowing mother-to-be in order to divert the crowd’s attention from her friend. “This is the last one, Ruthie. It’s from Trixie and me. We hope you like it.”

“Thank you, girls.” Ruthie beamed as she opened the card that accompanied the gift.

While everyone listened to Ruthie read the card out loud, Trixie leaned closer to Diana. “Are you okay, Di?”

Startled once again, Diana shifted slightly in her seat to face her curly-haired friend. “What was that?”

“Are you okay?” Trixie repeated in a hushed whisper.

Diana mustered a bright smile. “I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

“Are you sure?” Trixie narrowed her eyes as she stared critically at her sister-in-law. “You look kind of sad, and you’ve been really quiet ever since we got here. Is something wrong?”

“I’m just tired,” Diana replied softly.

Trixie continued her critical appraisal. “Have you been busier than usual?”

“No, not really.” Diana shrugged her slim shoulders. “But I have had trouble sleeping the past couple months.”

“Any particular reason?” Trixie prompted.

“It’s probably just hormones,” Diana hedged, turning her face away from Trixie.

The slight adjustment didn’t escape Trixie’s attention. She gasped as she saw a hint of moisture trickling down Diana’s cheek. “You’re crying, Di. Something must be wrong.”

Diana immediately brushed away the tear and assumed a smile. “I’ve been kind of moody lately, but I’m okay, really.”

“Are you sure?” Trixie quirked a skeptical brow. “You look like you’ve been crying—”

“Oh, look!” Diana interrupted, pointing at the mother-to-be. “Ruthie’s opening your present.”

Trixie reluctantly shifted her attention to Ruthie, as the heavily pregnant woman ripped the last bit of paper from the large gift in front of her.

“A car seat!” Ruthie exclaimed. “And just the one we wanted, too! How can I ever thank you for such a generous gift?”

“It was our pleasure,” Honey murmured happily. “I’m glad you like it.”

Ruthie’s eyes sparkled as she examined the present. “Oh, you shouldn’t have! This was much too expensive.”

“It was the least we could do, considering that without our interference, there wouldn’t be a baby.” Trixie added the last part with a giggle.

“Exactly how did you ‘interfere’?” Amy (nee Morrisey) Bowman inquired, her tone hesitant. “Or do I even want to know? Maybe I should just wait for the Enquirer to provide the juicy details.”

Honey doubled over as giggles consumed her. “Well, I suppose Trixie and I did have a hand in this pregnancy…”

“Details!” Jenny Ratner prodded. “We single girls need lots of details!”

“Hey, we married girls need dirt, too,” Patty (nee Morris) Kenworthy piped up.

A petite brunette laughed. “My husband said you girls were crazy back in school, but he never said anything about this…” Paul Victors’ wife, Dawn, joked.

Ruthie waited until her giggles subsided before she launched into an explanation. “Well, last spring, Lester had been working a lot of late nights, and I came to the conclusion that he was having an affair.”

“Lester?!” several guests exclaimed in disbelief.

“I know, I know,” Ruthie said, waving a hand in protest. “As crazy as it sounds now, I thought for sure Lester that was cheating on me. I was worried sick, so I hired the Belden-Wheeler Detective Agency to find out what he was up to.”

“Umm, yeah, that explains everything,” Amy teased.

“You didn’t let me finish,” Ruthie managed through a fresh round of laughter. “Trixie and Honey discovered that Lester wasn’t having an affair; he was working some odd jobs to earn money for my birthday present. Although they ruined his surprise, Trixie and Honey were indirectly responsible for the way Lester and I made up that night, which incidentally was the night I got pregnant.”

“The Belden-Wheeler Detective Agency was glad to help,” Trixie said with a proud sniff. “We’re always happy to go above and beyond the call of duty for all our clients.”

“By the way, there was no extra charge for the impregnation,” Honey added with a giggle. Her comment only served to provide the women with another excuse to laugh like a bunch of teenage girls.

“I had no idea your detective business offered such services,” Fay Franklin commented airily with a flip of her short, dark curls. “I don’t suppose you do any matchmaking on the side?”

“Now that you mention it…” Trixie began. Unfortunately for Fay, Honey quickly interrupted.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to stick with those online dating services,” Honey said. “However, we’d be happy to make sure that none of your matches have ever murdered anyone in a heinous fashion.”

“It’s a deal!” Fay agreed enthusiastically. “Now, why don’t you get me some more of that cheese ball and some crackers to go with it?”

Honey sighed as she lightly touched the tips of her fingers against her forehead, feigning faintness. “Oh, the hardship of sitting beside the food table,” she moaned dramatically.

“Next time you’ll remember to get a seat by the door,” Patty joked.

Honey chuckled good-naturedly. “Does anybody else want anything while I’m up?”

“I’ll take another one of those sandwich quarters.” Trixie grinned broadly as she handed her best friend the blue paper plate she’d been using.

“As you wish, milady.” Honey bowed grandly before she took the plate. She turned to Diana. “How about you, Di?”

Diana shook her head. “If I’m going to have cake later, I’d better not. I’ve been trying to lose the few extra pounds that I gained over the holidays.”

“Oh, puh-lease,” Jenny teased. “I’d kill to have your figure. Big boobs, shapely hips, and a tiny waist. No wonder Mart’s been nipping at your heels with his tongue hanging out since junior high.”

“I’ll go along with the ‘big boobs’ and ‘shapely hips’ part,” Diana said, laughing. “However, I have to contest the bit about the ‘tiny waist’. I’ve gained almost ten pounds in the past couple of months.”

“Let’s not even go there,” Ruthie ordered with mock sternness. She giggled as she balanced her now-empty plate on her protruding belly. “I don’t even want to think about how fat I’ve gotten.”

“You aren’t fat; you’re pregnant,” Mariellen Hanrahan corrected. “There’s a big difference.”

“Huh!” Amy snorted loudly. “Spoken by someone who’s never been pregnant! A woman that’s eight-months pregnant may not be fat, but she sure feels like she is!”

Patty reached over and patted Ruthie’s hand. “Hon, I know you feel as big as a boat, but you look good.”

“You’re positively glowing, sweetie,” Honey added.

“Yeah, yeah,” Ruthie muttered good-naturedly.

“Ruthie, you really do look beautiful,” Diana said, her voice earnest and her eyes wistful. “I’m sure Lester agrees that you’re just as pretty, if not prettier, as you were on your wedding day.”

“That boy’s been just as daffy over you as Mart was over Di,” Jenny remarked.

“That’s the truth,” Patty agreed. “Ruthie, I can’t believe you actually thought he was cheating on you. Who on earth did you think Lester was messing around with?”

Both Trixie’s and Honey’s mouths twitched from the effort of suppressing grins.

“That would be me,” Jane Morgan supplied, her smile innocent but her tone haughty. Nervous and twitchy during most of the party, Jane’s only input thus far had been to direct derogatory remarks towards her fellow partygoers. Her snide comments had already caused several tense moments during the shower.

Patty laughed nervously. “Jane, I think your reputation precedes you.”

Jane looked down her nose at her former friend. “Contrary to popular belief, I’d never have an affair with a married man. An engaged one, maybe, but definitely not one’s that’s married. I’ve already learned that lesson the hard way.”

The silence was almost deafening as the ladies struggled to keep their snickers and snorts at bay. Jane Morgan was known for many things; however, her chastity was not one of them.

Although Trixie was dying to question Jane about the rumor she’d recently heard about Jane and her boss, she resisted. The stiffness in the room was bad enough without a full-fledged catfight breaking out between two of the guests.

Unfortunately, it seemed that Jane Morgan wasn’t concerned about such things. “Speaking of having affairs with engaged men, I saw an interesting article in the New York Post,” she remarked. In spite of her casual tone, the sneer on Jane’s face was a dead giveaway that her intentions were wicked. “It made for simply fascinating reading.”

Di, realizing immediately where Jane was going with this, snapped out of her dream world and assumed her most angelic expression. “I didn’t realize you were such an avid reader, Jane,” she commented sweetly.

“Oh, yes,” Jane agreed with a nod. “You see, I’m more than just a pretty face.”

Honey silently reached over and placed a calming hand on Trixie’s trembling one in an effort to keep the sandy blonde from leaping (literally) to Diana’s defense.

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,” Jane continued airily, “I was reading an article Cindy Adams had written for ‘Page Six’, and lo and behold, Jim’s name just happened to pop out at me.”

One of Trixie’s sandy brows arched as she took Jane up on her challenge. “Is that so?”

“Yes,” Jane agreed, anxious to reel in the prizewinning fish she had on her hook. “Actually, the article was about the Woodward family. You’ve heard of them, haven’t you, Trixie?” Although she would’ve won an Oscar for her innocent tone, everyone in that room knew her intentions were evil.

Trixie instinctively braced herself for what she was sure would be an ugly interrogation. “Yes, I’ve heard of them.”

“Then you know their daughter Amanda is engaged to Jim?” By her expression, it was obvious that Jane already knew the answer to that question. Or rather, thought she knew…

“Yes, I’m aware of Jim and Amanda’s engagement,” Trixie responded vaguely.

“Reeeally?” Jane drawled out, feigning shock.

It took every ounce of restraint Trixie possessed to keep her tone civil. “Does that surprise you?”

“Frankly, it does. I’d just assumed that you didn’t know.”

Trixie rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Of course I know! I was there when they announced it to everyone.”

“Mmm… That’s right.” Jane shook her head sadly, the corners of her mouth turned downward in a frown. “Poor, poor Trixie.”

Trixie drew back in surprise. “Poor, poor Trixie?” she repeated. “Why would you say that?”

“I was just thinking how hard it must’ve been for you to lose Jim,” Jane replied, her tone sympathetic but her expression was almost gleeful.

Trixie jutted out her chin as discretion gave way to pride. “Jim and I have always been close, and nothing will ever change that.”

Jane’s smile could only be interpreted as smug. “Yes, I know.” It was clear that her words had a double meaning.

“Exactly what’re you getting at, Jane?” Diana demanded. “If you have something to say, then just spit it out.”

“I just meant that Jim and Trixie have always been close. Very close.” Jane smirked at Trixie, and then continued. “Anyway, I read in Cindy Adams’ column that Amanda had been seen recently in the Elizabeth Arden spa. Someone overheard her talking about her upcoming wedding to the heir of Wheeler Enterprises.”

“So?” Trixie huffed, her irritation obvious.

“Well,” Jane drawled, “it just made me wonder if Amanda knew what her fiancé has been up to while she lazes her days away at the spa…”

“And just how do you know what Jim’s been up to?” Trixie inquired with a snort.

“Trixie, Trixie…” Jane paused briefly to make a disapproving clucking sound with her tongue. “There’s no need to pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. I saw you with him on New Year’s Eve.”

Trixie clutched her hands into fists in an effort to suppress the rage building within her. She vaguely felt Honey patting her arm, but her friend’s soothing gesture did little to abate her anger. Feeling the rest of the partygoers’ eyes upon her, Trixie silently counted to ten, and then on to twenty, before answering Jane.

“Of course I was with Jim on New Year’s Eve,” she answered as flippantly as possible. “All the Bob-Whites made a point of attending.”

Jane cocked her head pensively, her thin lips curved in an evil smile. “I’m afraid I was too busy watching you and Jim to take roll.”

Honey squawked out something close to a laugh. “It was so dark in there that I’m surprised you could see anyone.”

“I have very good eyes,” Jane answered. “It’s hard to hide from me, no matter how dark it is.”

Christy Stevens, a newcomer to Sleepyside as well as the hostess of Ruthie’s shower, nervously cleared her throat. “So, was that all the presents?” she asked timidly, hoping to defuse the potentially volatile situation.

However, the time bomb ticking away inside of Trixie couldn’t be deactivated so easily. “Just what are you implying, Jane?”

“Oh, I’m not implying anything,” Jane answered innocently. “I’m merely informing you that I saw you kissing Jim on the dance floor.”

Trixie’s pulse raced. Her lips felt rubbery, and she wondered if they would actually be able to form words. “Yes, I kissed Jim at the party,” she said matter-of-factly. “Everyone knows that it’s a tradition on New Year’s Eve to kiss someone at the stroke of midnight. I just happened to be dancing with Jim at that moment, so naturally we kissed.”

Jane arched a skeptical eyebrow. “You kissed him because of a tradition?”

“Yeah,” Trixie answered in what she hoped was a nonchalant tone. She attempted a chuckle. “I guess it’s a good thing I wasn’t dancing with Brian or Mart.”

“I seriously doubt you would’ve kissed your brothers the way I saw you kissing Jim,” Jane remarked.

Trixie shrugged her shoulders, wishing she could shrug off this entire line of questioning as easily. “So? What’s the big deal about a friendly New Year’s kiss?”

“Well, that was certainly the friendliest kiss I’d seen for a while,” Jane commented tartly.

“Not any friendlier than some of the kisses I saw you giving that night, including one to the mayor,” Diana pointed out. “You sure made the rounds that evening. I lost count of how many different men I saw you kissing.”

Jane pursed her lips, choosing to ignore Diana’s comment. “So Trixie, did Amanda Woodward know that you were spending the holiday with her fiancé?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, Jane, but I’m certain Amanda knew exactly where Jim was that night,” Trixie informed her.

“Is that so?” Jane narrowed her eyes, her smile diabolical. “Well then, shame on me. Here I thought Jim was just cheating on Amanda. I had no idea that she was aware of the situation. Although I must say, she certainly has started ‘looking the other way’ a bit early in their relationship.”

That allegation was enough to make the usually unflappable Honey hop to her feet in defense of her brother. “I’ve heard just about enough!” she hissed, her slender form quivering with indignation. “That’s my brother you’re talking about! Jim would never cheat on anyone, and you know it!”

It was Trixie’s turn to play peacemaker as she tugged downward on Honey’s hand. “It’s okay, Hon. This is none of Jane’s business anyway.”

“It may not be my business, but I’m pretty sure the Woodwards would be interested in this little tidbit,” Jane told them. “I know I’d want to know if some little tramp was trying to steal my daughter’s future husband.”

“How dare you!” Trixie’s brief stint as peacemaker came to a screeching halt as she jumped up angrily. “For your information—”

Sensing that her friend was about to spill the beans, Diana quickly intervened. “Trixie’s not a slut… unlike some people we all know.” She looked pointedly at Jane. “So if I were you, Jane, I’d back off. Now.”

“My mistake,” Jane replied sweetly. However, anyone who knew Jane knew there wasn’t an ounce of sweetness in her. “Besides, we all know that it would be a waste of time for Trixie to try and steal Jim for herself. After all, Jim is very wealthy and his family has certain expectations. A man of his station couldn’t marry just anyone.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Trixie blustered.

“Well, there are some girls that are good enough for a trip to the altar,” Jane explained, “and then there are some that’re only good for a roll in the hay. Apparently, you’re one of those in the latter category, Trixie.”

Trixie bit her tongue so hard that she drew blood. “Jane Morgan, if I were you, I’d shut my mouth before someone shuts it for you,” she practically growled.

“Oh, I didn’t mean that in a derogatory way,” Jane insisted, her eyes wide and innocent. “My family’s no wealthier than yours, and believe me, I don’t blame you a bit for fooling around with Jim, even if he is engaged. In fact, I wouldn’t mind having a little fling with him myself. Just between us girls, I’ve always had a thing for him. It’s no secret that those Boy Scout-types are amazing in bed…”

Trixie curled her fists so tightly that her fingernails were cutting into the palms of her hands. It was all she could do to keep from bounding across the room and clawing Jane’s eyes out. It was even more difficult to keep from blurting out the fact that Jim was now her fiancé, not Amanda’s.

“Stay away from Jim,” she ground out through clenched teeth.

“Well, well,” Jane murmured with a satisfied grin. “Someone’s awfully possessive of a man that isn’t even hers.”

Trixie didn’t seem concerned by Jane’s comment. “Consider yourself warned,” she hissed.

Jane gave a seemingly good-natured laugh. “Oh, Trixie. It’s so cute how defensive of Jim you are. We all know how you’ve been chasing after him like a little puppy.”

Christy noisily rattled the ice bucket, desperate to keep Jane from spoiling Ruthie’s shower. “Uh, is anybody’s cola warm?”

As if she hadn’t heard the hostess’ question, Jane continued her attack. “Once he and Amanda Woodward are married, maybe you’ll finally be able to move on and find a man of your own. I know you’ve been pining for him all these years.”

Trixie squared her chin in defiance. “You don’t know anything.”

“I know that you’re in love with Jim,” Jane retorted.

Although it didn’t happen often, Trixie was speechless. She had loved Jim for so long that it was impossible to deny. Instead of responding verbally, Trixie stared at her nemesis, mouth agape.

Knowing Trixie was securely ensnared in her web, Jane smiled smugly. “You can’t deny it, can you? You’re in love with Jim Frayne. It’s just too bad that he’s in love with Amanda Woodward.”

Trixie clamped her teeth together so tightly that it was a wonder her jaw didn’t lock.

“Amanda Woodward,” Christy repeated as she gave the ice bucket another loud shake. “Why does that name sound familiar?”

Apparently the rest of the guests were as eager to change the subject as the hostess.

“You’ve probably read about her in the society pages and the gossip columns.” Patty jumped in quickly before Jane could offer an explanation. “When I saw their engagement announcement in the Sun, I recognized her name immediately.”

“Wasn’t she also featured recently in that bride magazine?” Amy asked, her eyes darting nervously at Jane.

“Which one?” Mariellen snorted. “There was an article about her dress in Bride, and Bride and Groom just published an interview with her. With all the publicity about the wedding, she’s giving Paris Hilton a run for her money as the most photographed heiress in the world.”

A knowing look passed over Dawn’s face. “Oh, I know who you’re talking about. Paul’s sister is getting married this summer, and she’s been buying all those wedding magazines. I was flipping through her copy of Bride and Groom the other day, and the article about Amanda caught my eye. She was so gorgeous that I assumed she was a model.”

“Yes, and apparently Jim agrees.” Jane cast a deceptively sweet smile in Trixie’s direction. “I seriously doubt any of us could compete with the likes of her. She’s far more beautiful than anybody in Sleepyside.”

Determined to change the course of the conversation, Christy finally stepped in. Unfortunately, the mild-mannered teacher was much more at ease in front of a class of first graders than she was now, surrounded by a roomful of catty women.

“Who’s in the mood for cake?” she offered. She pointed to the gaily decorated dessert setting on a table in the adjacent kitchen, hoping everyone would rather sink their teeth into the moist cake than the juicy gossip Jane was dishing.

“Mmmm,” Fay murmured enthusiastically. One had to wonder if she was excited about the cake… or the possibility of changing the course of the conversation to a less explosive topic. “I’d like a piece, Christy. Do you need any help serving?”

“Sure,” Christy agreed, mustering a smile. “If you don’t mind scooping ice cream, there’s a new box in the freezer.” The overwhelmed, slightly frazzled hostess began slicing the blue, basket-shaped cake, ruing the moment she’d decided against her better judgment to invite Jane Morgan to this shower.

In the family room, the rest of the partygoers attempted to lighten the mood.

“Rumor has it that Brian’s going to be working with Dr. Ferris now that he’s finished his residency at White Plains,” Mariellen commented. The former volunteer at the local hospital now was a respected ER nurse. “Is there any truth to that?”

“There certainly is,” Honey declared proudly. “In fact, Brian moved back to Sleepyside this weekend.”

“Will he be living at his mom and dad’s?” Jenny asked.

Honey shook her head. “No, in spite of his parents’ invitation to come back home, he’s renting a house a few miles from Crabapple Farm.”

“Soooo,” Patty drawled out dramatically, “will anyone be moving in with him? Because if, for some strange reason, Trixie needs to find another roommate, my cousin’s moving here soon and is looking for a place to crash.”

Honey blushed. “Brian and I aren’t planning to live together, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“What a shame,” Jenny muttered. “You could’ve had a lot of fun helping him practice his bedside manner.”

The room erupted with more giggles. Even Honey, whose cheeks were beet red, couldn’t keep from laughing.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been introduced to Brian,” Dawn remarked. She’d met Paul in college, and the two had only recently returned to her husband’s hometown.

“Well, Brian Belden is Sleepyside’s very own Dr. McDreamy,” Mariellen explained.

“Eww!” Trixie shrieked, covering her ears. “He is not!”

“Pay no attention to that poor, delusional girl,” Patty warned. “Brian is Trixie’s oldest brother, so she’s blind to what a hunk he is.”

“And for the record,” Jenny added, “Brian Belden makes Patrick Dempsey look like an ugly duckling.”

“Hmm, I think it’s time for a physical,” Dawn joked. The rest of the ladies laughed.

“I saw the good doctor a few weeks ago, and he’s just as hot as ever,” Amy remarked. “He’s definitely worth a trip to the emergency room.”

“Yeah, I’d fake a heart attack to have him use his stethoscope on me,” Fay muttered. Several snickered at her innuendo.

Trixie, however, would have no part of it. “Doesn’t anyone respect the sanctity of the medical profession?” she cried in her most dramatic voice. “We’re talking about a man who has spent years studying the human body so he can provide medical attention for those in need.”

“I, for one, have several physical needs Dr. McHottie can attend to…” Jenny whispered over to Amy. Like a room full of sixth-grade girls, the ladies— save Trixie— erupted into a fit of giggles.

“I’m surprised at you,” Trixie sputtered, her expression one of indignation. “I can’t believe you’re talking about my brother this way, especially with his girlfriend here! Have you no shame?”

“Hey, he’s mine, so they can talk all they want,” Honey crowed. “I’m the one going over to his house later tonight.”

“Whoo-hoo!” Patty gave Honey a high five. “You go, girl!”

Trixie made a face at her honey-haired friend, and then shifted her attention to the rest of the partygoers. “Since Honey is caught up in all your depravity, please spare Di and me the gory details of how you sex-craved women lust after our brother.”

“He’s technically not my brother, Trix,” Diana pointed out with a giggle. Her comment caused the women to whoop and holler even worse.

“So, Mart’s not the only Belden boy that gets Di’s motor running!” Ruthie teased.

Diana blushed. “I didn’t say that. You all know that Mart’s the only man for me. But I won’t deny that Brian’s mighty easy on the eyes; however, he’s Honey’s man, not mine.”

“Yeah, don’t take this the wrong way, Honey,” Jenny began, “but I’d play doctor with Brian Belden any day. You’re one lucky lady.”

Honey, girlishly giggly only a moment ago, suddenly sobered. “Yes, I guess I am.”

“Can we please change the subject?” Trixie pleaded wearily. “This entire conversation is making me throw up a little in my mouth. Before I know it, you’ll be making suggestive comments about Bobby.”

“Well, now that you mention it, I have wondered if that little brother of yours would consider having a hot affair with an older woman,” Fay responded airily.

“Child molester!” Trixie yelped in horror while the rest of the women cackled.

“Hey, he’s legal!” Fay exclaimed. “Bobby’s in his twenties now, isn’t he? I just saw him at Embers the other night…”

“He’s eighteen,” Trixie corrected with a scowl.

“He didn’t look eighteen.” Fay couldn’t keep the devilish grin off her face. “And he didn’t act eighteen, either.”

Trixie had opened her mouth to ask what exactly her underage brother had been doing in a bar, but she decided she’d rather not know.

“Ladies, I think we’d better change the subject before Trixie has a coronary,” Diana suggested with a wink.

Amy snorted. “Di just doesn’t want us to talk about what strapping young men her brothers have become.”

“To quote my husband: Natch!”

“So Honey, now that your longtime beau is setting up shop close to home, should we be on the lookout for any wedding announcements in the society pages?” Ruthie asked.

Honey shrugged her slender shoulders and flashed them a Mona Lisa smile. “You’re asking the wrong person. That’s up to Brian.”

“You two have been as good as married since you were teenagers!” Amy exclaimed. “Don’t tell me you’ve never even talked about marriage?”

“Well, yeah, we’ve talked about it,” Honey hedged. “We’re just not in any hurry to make anything official.”

Jane had apparently remained silent for far too long. Her features trained in an angelic expression, she commented, “Why buy the cow when you’re getting the milk for free?”

“That must be why you’re still single, Jane,” Diana replied cattily. “Nobody’s looking for an old cow that’s out of milk.”

Honey decided to pretend that she hadn’t heard Jane’s remark. However, it was even harder to pretend that she hadn’t noticed that several women had spit out their beverages and/or refreshments at Diana’s comment.

“Brian wanted to finish his residency before we got married,” she offered in explanation.

“Then I guess you should be expecting a ring any day,” Christy observed as she handed Honey a piece of cake. She inwardly breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that, once again, Jane’s rude comments hadn’t caused a physical altercation.

“Well, there are a few more things that Brian would like to accomplish before we get engaged,” Honey admitted.

Fay snickered. “You make it sound like Brian has to cross off all the items on his to-do list before he can ask you to marry him.”

“It’s not a ‘to-do list’, per se,” Honey corrected nervously. “He just wants to be settled before we make any plans.”

“How responsible of him!” Jenny teased.

“There’s nothing wrong with being responsible,” Trixie retorted. “I think it’s very honorable of Brian to want to be established before he takes such a big step.”

“Mmmm,” Jane purred. “Another one of those Boy Scout-types. Honey, if you don’t think he’s good enough for you, then send him over to me. I’ll put that stethoscope of his to good use.”

“What gives you the idea that I think Brian’s not good enough for me?” Honey demanded angrily.

Jane gave a slight shrug of her shoulders. “It just sounds like he feels pressured to measure up to your family’s standards before he asks you to be his wife.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” For someone who was naturally sweet, Honey was feeling awfully bitter. “My parents would be honored to have Brian as a son-in-law. They’ve never demanded that he do this or that before we get engaged.”

“That’s right,” Trixie agreed heartily. “Brian has always said that he wants to have his own office and home before he gets married. He’d feel that way no matter who he was dating.”

“I have to hand it to you Beldens.” Jane maintained a casual tone as she speared her piece of cake with a plastic fork. “You may not be wealthy, but you sure do know how to marry well. Just look at Mart.”

Diana licked her lips like a hungry cat eyeing a plump mouse. Her icy violet gaze honed in on her prey as she launched her attack. “You’d be wise to keep your eyes off my husband before somebody scratches them out.”

“Worried you’ll lose him?” Jane inquired archly.

Christy had opened her mouth to once again change the subject, but she was interrupted by a boisterous snort from Trixie.

“You don’t know my almost-twin very well, do you?” Trixie snickered. “He’s so devoted to Di that it’s sickening.”

“Well, things change,” Jane replied somewhat cryptically. “For instance, if a wife refuses to give her husband everything he wants…”

“Apparently you’ve never had the misfortune of sleeping in the room across the hall from Mart and Di,” Trixie needled. “They spent the night at the Farm after they were married. Believe me, from what I heard, Mart got everything he wanted. And more.”

That remark elicited even more laughter from almost everyone in the room, even Jane. Strangely, the only person not laughing was Diana. Her expression looked pained.

“Di, I always knew that behind that innocent persona, you were a little vixen,” Jane told her. “Of course, who could blame you? In school Mart certainly knew how to wag that tongue of his; I’m sure that husband of yours is quite the gifted… linguist… now.”

Diana didn’t say a word. Her mouth pinched with irritation, she allowed her intense glare to do all her speaking for her.

“Frankly,” Jane continued, “I’m shocked we haven’t had five or six of these showers for you by now. After all, both your families breed like rabbits…”

Mariellen laughed nervously, assuming Jane’s inappropriate comments were merely bad jokes that had been taken too far. “So Di, why hasn’t the stork paid a visit to your house?”

Honey glanced over at her ebony-haired friend. “I don’t think that’s any of our business,” she stated loyally.

“Aw, c’mon, Honey,” Patty muttered. “Mart and Di have been married for ages. It’s high time they added to Sleepyside’s population.”

“I think you and Jamie are accomplishing that on your own,” Trixie observed. Wanting to take the pressure off Diana, she knew exactly how to divert Patty’s attention. “How many kids do you have now, Patty?”

“Four,” Patty answered happily. “And if I could talk Jamie into it, I’d have four more. I love those little rugrats.”

Picking up right where Trixie left off, Honey asked, “You wouldn’t happen to have pictures, would you?”

“Do I have pictures?” Patty snorted loudly. “That’s like asking if your parents have money!” She immediately pulled a thick brag book out of her purse. A proud expression on her face, she handed the collection of photos to Amy, who began flipping through them.

“Two keep Jeremy and me on our toes,” Amy commented as she looked at the photographs. “I can’t imagine having four.”

“Try having twins,” Dawn retorted. “It certainly has been an adventure!”

“Diana’s parents have two sets of twins,” Fay pointed out.

“Oh, so that’s why you and Mart haven’t had kids yet,” Patty murmured. “You’re afraid that you’ll be doubly blessed.”

Hackles drawn, Diana shot back a hasty retort. “For your information, Mart and I aren’t ready for children yet.”

Diana’s anger caught everyone off guard, but it didn’t take Jane long to take advantage of what was obviously a sensitive subject.

“My brother works with Mart at the Sun, and according to Bill, Mart’s dying to have kids,” Jane supplied helpfully.

“Apparently Bill is mistaken,” Diana replied tersely. “Contrary to what you’ve heard, Mart’s not in any hurry to start a family.”

“That’s not what he told the people at the newspaper,” Jane argued. “According to Bill, you’re the one who doesn’t want to have a baby. And Bill’s even made the comment that Mart’s getting tired of waiting.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” Diana countered. She assumed a bored expression as she leveled her eyes at Jane. “It’s no wonder your brother’s such a crappy reporter; he never has been able to get his facts straight.”

Jane lifted her chin in defiance. “And you’ve never been able to act your way out of a wet paper bag.”

Trixie opened her mouth to protest, but Diana held up a silencing hand. She was more than willing to fight her own battle.

“We’re not in high school anymore, Jane,” Diana remarked. “If you have something to say, then say it. Your catty little comments might intimidate some people, but they’re not working on me.”

Jane leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. It was clear that she was enjoying this verbal sparring immensely. “All right, Diana,” she agreed with a wicked smirk. “I admit that I’m curious why you’re depriving your husband of children. I wonder if you’re too shallow to lose that darling little figure of yours, or if maybe you’re so used to being the center of Mart’s attention that you don’t want to share him. Or perhaps you’re afraid that if you have a baby you’ll lose your position at the museum and have to sleep your way to the top again. Or could it be that you know deep down that that husband of yours isn’t mature enough to be a good father?”

For several long seconds, Diana remained frozen in her seat, an icy glare marring her perfect features. All eyes were upon her as she, in one swift motion, rose up gracefully from her chair. With the poise and posture of a fashion model, she crossed the room to where Jane was sitting. The partygoers gasped as they heard Di’s open palm whiz through the air until, as if in slow-motion, it made contact with Jane’s cheek. The stinging slap left a perfect red likeness of Diana’s hand.

You could hear crickets chirping as Diana leaned down and stuck her index finger in Jane’s face. “Don’t you ever say another bad word about my husband,” she hissed.

After offering that word of warning, she spun around to the rest of the guests and managed a dazzling smile. “Ruthie, I’m sorry for that outburst. I hope you’ll forgive me. Now if you’ll excuse me, ladies, I need to freshen up.” With that, she turned on her heel and hurried to the bathroom, where she remained until the end of the shower.

Credits:

This story has been posted in honor of my fourth year of being a Jix Author. Wow! Time most certainly flies when you’re having fun! It feels like it was only yesterday that I began posting “Keeping Up With the Joneses”. And no matter how many years pass by, I still feel like such a noob when it comes to submitting stories. Thank you, CathyP, for creating our wonderful home away from home; thank you to the owners, administrators, and moderators who keep it running smoothly; thank you to my fellow authors who’ve inspire me with your fabulous stories, and most of all, thank you to all those who read and encourage my writing.

Thank you to my marvelous editors, Steph H and Kaye, who stepped up and worked on this with very little notice. Steph, you edited this not once, but twice, and each time you made valuable suggestions. Kaye, although you weren’t feeling well, you went above and beyond the call of duty and offered perfectly perfect advice. I love you both, and I’m thankful for your help, support, and most of all, your friendship.

And now, on to the story notes!

Many of my ongoing storylines were mentioned in this story. I’m sure you’re wondering about Jim’s stalker, but have no fear. The story isn’t over yet. *veg*

Several members of our supporting cast were characters who had appeared in the books:

Ruthie Kettner, who appeared in #30, and married Lester Mundy, also featured in #30.

Amy Morrisey, who appeared in #20.

Jenny Ratner, who appeared in #29.

Patty Morris, who appeared in #29, and married Jamie Kenworthy, also featured in #29.

Dawn Victors is Paul Victors’ wife, and Paul was featured in #29.

Faye Franklin, who appeared in #32.

Mariellen Hanrahan, who appeared in #32.

The investigation of Lester Mundy was mentioned in “Why Do Fools Fall in Love?”.

“Page Six” is indeed a gossip column in the New York Post.

The interview with Amanda featured in Bride and Groom was mentioned in “Things That Go Bump in the Morning”.

“Dr. McDreamy” is the nickname of a character Patrick Dempsey plays on the medical drama, “Grey’s Anatomy”. I’ve never watched the show, but I have heard about the nickname.

Several of The Cameo’s ongoing storylines have been mentioned here… the strain in Honey and Brian’s relationship, Bobby’s behavior, and the troubles with Mart and Di. More about all that later. And yes, more about Jim’s stalker later. J